priorities...

When I was six the most important thing in the world for me was to get a pair of those shoes that light up when you walk….they were the coolest fucking thing in the world. For whatever reason my mom would always buy me hiking boots and replace the shoe laces with ninja turtle laces to make up for it…but that never worked as I was always teased because all the other little asshole kids lit up when they walked, ran, or jumped…and my shoes didn’t do shit but got made fun of. Over the years my priorities have changed and my taste for footwear has outgrown the Kmart light up shoes special. In eighth grade the most important thing was for me to stand out from my peers, by freshman year at South Mountain High School I just wanted to fit in. My highest priority senior year in high school wasn’t to get into college or get a scholarship, but to lose weight so the girl of my dreams would fall in love with me…which I don’t think worked but I still love you Ms. Meyers. Priorities are constantly changing if we are striving for bigger and better things and we should never be content with who we are or what we can do.

My highest priority right now, and for the next 4 years is the doctoral program for physical therapy and I’ll do whatever it takes to get there. I’d like to say I didn’t waste the 2004-2009 but it definitely wasn’t the most productive goal-oriented years of my life... While I had goals, those really don’t mean shit now. Where most people go wrong is when they hold themselves back by allowing short term asinine tasks hinder their progress to achieve long term goals and ultimately overshadow their priorities. While we can’t stay on task 100% of the time, we can’t allow the majority of our time to be wasted on short term unimportant successes. You want to become a doctor? Well what are you doing now to help yourself get there?

• Are you playing beer pong or some other fucktard kind of drinking game four nights a week?
• Are you taking 5 elective classes in one semester, including MUS 354: the Beatles?
• Did you decide to skip your homework for the night to go watch some weak ass probate?

If you answered yes to any of these things, you probably won’t like the end result of your academic career…and you have to stop playing flippy cup and kings…drinking isn’t suppose to be fun with friends….it’s supposed to be depressing and lonely...

thing that is dope

Thing that is dope: so I stopped drinking…at least for the time being and until I have something worthwhile to toast to. Here are some of the reasons that brought me to this decision…

I don’t really have a rest day…the majority of the week I wake up at 5am, so no drinking on the weekdays, and 12-20 hours of my weekend is devoted to study or Samee so I have no time for something like drinking or being hungover and unproductive all day Saturday and Sunday.

For me, alcohol makes me slower, fatter, and dumber….and I already do plenty to add to those three so I don’t need to add to something else

I’ve never been a huge drinker, I only drink with friends and I maybe get out a hand maybe twice a year…and I don’t see the point in consuming alcohol unless the end goal is to be pissfaced drunk in a puddle of warm milk or vodka…

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not getting on my fucking high horse telling you that drinking is bad and you’re a degenerate if you do….truth be told I have a good amount of difficulty getting on a horse and usually need to use a step ladder or a midget to reach the saddle. I don’t care what other people do, you can drink anti-freeze for all I care. The fact of the matter is I do enjoy taking a 12 pack of some dark bitter beer to a party where no one else will drink it so I can have it all to myself and shots of a good tequila (not patron) do tickle my fancy….but until I have nothing to do the next day I don’t see that happening in the near future.

Thing that I hate: Actually there’s nothing worth mentioning that I hate right now….life’s pretty fuckin’ fantastic…we’ll see how I feel in a week or three…

god is Love,

Rev Run

24 mistakes I've made in 24 years

So for the last three years I’ve written on my birthday about the few things I’ve learned over the years, some have been common sense (really common….as in everyone else realized it when they were six, and I found out when I was 23) and some have been epiphanies that changed my outlook on life from that point on. This year I decided to change it up a bit and talk about 24 mistakes I’ve made in 24 years, luckily I’ve learned from the mistakes I’ve made (most of them at least) and try my hardest not to repeat them but who knows what the hell’s gonna happen in the next 24 years…

1) being content with being content…after graduation I felt it was over, I let the best years of my life pass by me and had nothing to show for it….I put on 30lbs, read a bunch of self help books and sat around thinking that this was my life and I should accept it…..FUCK THAT!!!!! After eight months of sulking I made changes in my life that I knew I’d be happy with for the rest of it. It ain’t over ‘til it’s over, it’s never too late to go after what you want, it might be a little harder the second time around but those student loans will pay for themselves somehow.
2) cosigning with someone that ISN’T your wife, mom, or dad….I won’t get in to the disgusting, tiring, and painful details but let’s just say this was a big mistake….HUGE!!!!

3) blaming others for my faults and mistakes…no one makes your decisions for you, no one can force you to do something without a gun to your head so when the outcome isn’t in your favor there’s no reason to get pissed and point your chubby little finger at others….except when Alex told me to hit on 16 at that blackjack table in Vegas…..goddamn alex

4) being a pansy….yes I was a pansy, I say pansy because I’d never call myself a pussy. There were many times I kept quiet to avoid the argument, to go along with whatever or whomever, regardless if I was happy or not with it. Again I say FUCK THAT!!!! Naveed Shan is no pansy, Naveed will take on whatever or whoever and the outcome will be victorious and Naveed Shan always refers to himself in third person
5)waiting until tomorrow to do it, if there’s any mistake I made more it’s procrastination…waking up at 3am to study for the exam at 8, starting my diet on Monday after eating a whole pizza on Friday….it never works, and it’s a freak occurrence when it does….you want to start something, start it now!

6)putting darks, whites, and towels all in the same wash…I saved like an hour of washing but all my clothes smell like Listerine and they end up linty.

7) putting aside my family for petty shit that means nothing in the long run. When’s the last time you took your mom to see some sappy movie she’d been dying to see? When’s the last time you spent an hour at game works just to see your little brother smile? When’s the last time you called your dad just to say “hey Dad, can I have $500?” I waited way too long for these things and missed out on way too much…money will be there to be made, and the stupid priorities you put in front of them won’t mean shit in the long run….

8) Putting aside my friends for petty shit that means nothing in the long run. I truly believe I’ve been blessed to have some amazing people around me, people who’ve withstood my bullshit and have still been there in the end. They knew who they are and I love the shit out them for always being by my side even if I haven’t always been by theirs.

9) Spending….no…wasting money on the unimportant and unpractical…I’ve wasted so much of my income on useless shit I don’t use after a month it’s disgusting….so if anyone wants to buy a pet rock let me know

10) thinking “all you need is love”….sorry Beatles you were wrong….dead wrong….only in the last 4 years have I been in serious relationships and only then did I realize life isn’t really like the notebook or that other Nicholas Sparks movie with Hannah Montana…relationships take work….a shit load of work…they take patience, commitment, and trust and if you’re lacking in any of those you better be damn good looking because that goes a long way too…

11) thinking anything….ANYTHING will work itself out…fuck that, effort works itself out. Things just don’t fall into place, and if they do it’s wasn’t just happenstance…to fix or correct the mistakes you made they have to be tackled head on, it’s an all out fucking war and you better come out victorious or your limp lifeless body will be carried off by the survivors…maybe that’s too intense but you can’t just ignore problems

12)saying “yes” all the time….I always say you can’t please everyone and make them happy and yet up to this point I’ve tried to please everyone and tried to make everyone happy….and no I won’t write you out a free workout program because we’re friends on facebook.

13) always having excuses for not doing something...”I wish I could but…(insert bullshit excuse here)” if you truly want something you’ll make it work…it may take sacrifice but if you want something you’ll find a way to do it…
14) not warming up before a workout….just sayin’….it would have saved me a lot of injuries in the long run…

15) arguing with idiots….everybody is entitled to their opinion…even if it’s retarded…let the tea partiers party, the liberals do nothing, and the ignorant say stupid shit all the time…it really has no effect on you…

16) thinking half ass is good enough…half ass is never good enough…if you’re gonna do it half ass you might as well not do it…you’re never satisfied with the end result…well if you are you shouldn’t be proud of that shit…

17) giving up…this kind of goes along with number 16…a quote I often look back to “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race” I want to tattoo these words on my forearm just so I never forget. Truth be told we’re capable of much more than we allow ourselves and tasks we label as too hard or impossible just take a little more persistence than others.

18) never try to wait until after an exam to use the restroom…you’ll only think about peeing the entire time and you damn near piss yourself by the 25th question.

19)too much of anything is a bad thing…I have an uber-obsessive addictive personality…if it’s not food it’s diet coke, if it’s not diet coke it’s hookah, if it’s not hookah it’s Katy Perry. I don’t care what it is, too much of it is unhealthy…I really should see a doctor about my urine being hot pink.

20) holding back because of fear of failure…while I completely agree that a certain amount of fear is a good thing, it shouldn’t hold you back from doing something you want to do. Everyone fails, no one has a perfect success rate, and if they do they’re full of shit. The worst thing that can happen is you have to get back up and try again but at least you’ll be a little smarter about it the second time around.

21) not talking to my Dad for two years…while this is a touchy subject I seldom get into, it was two years of my life I wish I could take back more than anything. If you’re lucky enough to have a father in your life you should cherish it as much as you can. My dad is very demanding and possibly crazy but he has always been there for me regardless of my countless fuck ups.

22) wasting time…yup this blog is a waste of time but I enjoy talking about myself so fuck it…time is one of the most important and valuable assets you have, you can always make more money to always buy more useless shit but time is something you’ll never get back….so stop wasting it!!!! But don’t stop reading this I’m almost finished…

23) putting too much on my plate thinking it won’t be that hard and I can finish everything perfectly. This is both a metaphor and also I literally put way too much on my plate at buffets….while I usually finish the plate I have to be carried out and get the itis super bad soon after. I think it’s just my personality to pack every waking hour with something whether it’s school, work, or training and I always think I can do it all….well I never do. Multitasking is a fucking crock…it doesn’t work, if you have to finish five things, I guarantee at least three will suffer. Most important aspects of your life take much of your energy and time, leaving little for other tasks at hand so arrange your priorities accordingly and do what you have to with as much focus and attention as it needs.

24) the twenty-fourth should be the biggest mistake I’ve made it but it really isn’t….only because they are all pretty bad….but here it is…trying to fit in….truth be told I’m a weird fuckin’ guy….I listen to Mozart and Johnny Cash when I walk to class, I have to have my bed made every day while the rest of my room is a shit hole, and my decision making process is totally out of wack so there’s no way I can fit in with the people around me…but there’s nothing wrong with that, for years I’ve tried to fit in but it’s like jamming an obtuse triangle peg into a circle…it’s just not working….embrace you’re weirdness, if everybody acted like a fucking cool guy all the goddamn time we’d all have on skinny jeans and blow outs….or whatever the fuck cool guys wear…

I'm in a rut

You ever get in a rut? You feel as if everything you do is pointless, it doesn’t mean shit and you’re just wasting your time….oh you don’t? well fuck you and your happiness buddy. Once in a while I’m overcome by this feeling and it halts all of my progress in all aspects of my life (studies, work, and training)….I gotta tell you it fuckin’ sucks. I see no progress in the gym or on the mats, work is painfully slow and I wanna strangle my clients, and it’s like the text books I’m studying are in fucking Aramaic. Luckily this feeling doesn’t last very long and I can smack myself out of it eventually. The more I speak with people, the more I realize how common this feeling is…you’re trapped in the same routine and it almost seems impossible to get out of, BUT….I’d make that but bigger if I could, where there’s a will there’s a way dammit….while we can be influenced by almost everything around us, we are the only ones who can control what we do and who we are….whether we succeed or fail we always have the power to control the outcome and influence as much as possible. Truth be told your professor didn’t fail you because he hates you, he failed you because you didn’t study and turned in half ass work…and your professor hates you. Once we stop being victims of our circumstances and our surroundings we can start succeeding, if we give in to every set back or stop at every obstacle we’re just fuckin’ stuck…so you might as well lay down and die you worthless no talent ass clown. Your boss didn’t fire you just because you’re an asshole, he fired you because you didn’t work hard enough to make yourself an asset, you always came in late and left early, and because you’re an asshole. This quote always makes me feel better, it’s by one of my favorite authors and a guy I idolize….and I feel like tattooing it to my forearm to be constantly reminded of it

“Where you are in life is exactly where you’re supposed to be because of the things that you’ve done up until that moment in time. To do anything else but accept your current situation would be crazy. The real thing to do is to decide where you want to go and then use both consistency and patience to get there. Enjoy the ride. It is, after all, the path you’ve chosen in life.”

Now quit you’re belly achin’ and start putting in some fucking effort.

being a grown ass man!!!!

Being a grown ass man…what does that mean…first time I heard that phrase I was pledging my fraternity and my future brother and close friend Chaps sat me down and gave me a stare that could kill a bull, he told me “listen pledge, I’m a grown ass man and I don’t really give a shit about you, you wanna get through this you gotta man the fuck up.” I was 17 at the time and thought he was full of shit, I was a grown ass man! I lived in a house that I didn’t pay rent, drove a car that wasn’t mine, ate food that I didn’t buy, and went to a school in which I didn’t pay a cent for….of course I knew what being a grown ass man was….holy shit I was wrong, I wasn’t a man…I was a cocky scared shitless little kid….mostly scared because I thought chaps was going to beat the shit out of me with his paddle. Over the years I’ve had the privilege of having some great mentors in my life, not all men…but people who taught me what it means to be a man, a great fucking man….a man who eats beef jerky, wears flannel lumberjack shirts, and subscribes to Playboy and doesn’t read the articles!!!!well not exactly, none of that constitutes being a man…but here are a few things that real men do, what characterizes them as men, and what sets them apart from the boys. I’m not saying this because I’m an expert on manliness (which I’m not) or because I can judge other guys and tell them who they are (which I do) I’m writing this so I don’t want to read for my Marketing class….

1) grown ass men don’t lie, cheat, or steal….no I’m not gonna give you a bullshit Hitch quote, although I enjoyed that movie….real men don’t need to lie, they aren’t completely honest about everything (does this dress make me look fat?) but they are masters of their domain, they know the consequences of their words and actions and they should not have to hide things or deceive people. They don’t need to cheat or steal to get ahead…they work harder to get what they want HONESTLY, and they don’t need to fuck people over to get it.

2) grown ass men are responsible…they don’t need to rely on others, they accept responsibility for their actions and do what they need to do when it needs to be done.

3) grown ass men respect women…they realize that women aren’t objects or pieces of ass. Chivalry is only dead to the stupid girls who’ve killed it…and grown ass men stay away from those girls. Grown ass men treat women with the same respect they would their sisters, mothers, and daughters…and if they don’t…well you should stop messing around with those little boys

4) grown ass men do work! Half ass isn’t their vocabulary….everything they say they will do they do it to the fullest extent of their abilities. Cutting corners is for the lazy degenerate, they take pride in everything they do.

5) grown ass men don’t complain, bitch, whine, or moan. You hate your job? Get a new job. You hate your friends? Get some new friends. You’re broke all the time? Cut off your HBO, start shopping at Walmart, and get a 2nd job you lazy shit….whining is okay when you’re six and you want the cool shoes that light up when you walk….after six, you need to cut that shit out.

Grown ass men do a lot of other things but I’m smoking hookah and drinking bedtime tea, sweating my ass off on the porch so I’ll cut it short. What do you think being a grown ass man entails? Much more than the above I’m sure, like I said I’m no expert but every real man I’ve come across has shared all of the above characteristics….and if you don’t….well you need to man the fuck up

Summer and moving on...

Seems like this summer has gone by ridiculously fast, I’ve had some great times and have made some decisions that will affect me for the rest of my life (for the better I hope). I’ve done more in the last 3 months than I have in the last 3 years and it’s been fuckin’ awesome. I stopped worrying about money so much, went back to school for another degree, and started accepting how fucking cool I am
(not as cool as Billy D. Williams….maybe as cool as Shaft)

Life is good, I got plenty of problems just like everybody else but there’s no point in letting them piss me off…I’ll get around to them eventually….someday….maybe. In the mean time I got plenty else to be happy about….plenty….this little spiel has nothing to do with the blog below but just felt like writing it….fuck you, it’s my blog.

Thing That is Dope: Moving On...

Back in 2006, I moved to Chicago with my Dad to study for the MCATs and as my dad would put it “straighten up….and develop better study habits, they are so so terrible Naveed terrible”. So I spent 10 months of my life studying 10 hours a day, 6 days a week and did pretty damn well on the MCATs considering I had yet to take a single science course. But I spent so much time worrying about what I’d miss here, I didn’t even take advantage of the fact that I was living in Chicago….in a condo in the middle of downtown no less! I was afraid to move on, afraid that everything would change when I came back to Phoenix. Did somethings change? Sure…but nothing that was important…I think this was the year Samee started growing a mustache but my best friends were still my best friends and Arizona was still hot as Satan’s ass. Within this summer I’ve seen lots of friends move on to bigger and better things, and I couldn’t be more proud of them.

Dimitri-my little bro in the frat, moving to San Diego for a duel MBA/J.D. program….if Plaxico Burress would have shot his fuckin’ leg off 5 years later, Dimitri would’ve gotten him off with a slap on the wrist, no jail time

Silvia-an amazing woman moving to California to go to FIDM and pursue her passion, I can’t think of anything more admirable.

Brenda-I’ve known Brenda for six years….and I’m still not sure what an occupational therapist does, but she’s amazing at it. My girl will be traveling all over the country to help people, I couldn’t think of a better job suited for her

James-I still don’t entirely understand James thought process and how he makes the life changing decisions he does, but he’s going to Mexico for 9 months (Alex says two weeks) and I couldn’t be happier for the big guy.

Jeff got an internship with the Astros so he’s moving to Houston, which I think is fucking awesome, not because I dislike the guy but because this is all I’ve heard him talk about since I met him…I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a GM or owner someday….he does look a little like jerry Jones.

Ivette-just got a job offer with Xerox and at 21 years old she’ll be making as much me, working half the amount (I’m not bitter) and I couldn’t be happier for her, there is a chance she may relocate to the eastcoast but it’s still such an amazing opportunity.

I often tell all of my friends that there probably won’t be another point in our lives when we can just get up and go. I love Phoenix, but there is so much the rest of the world can offer, why would you want to live in the same place for the rest of your life? Nothing will change when you’re gone, maybe Samee’s mustache will get bigger but that’s about it.

Am I a Meathead?!?!?!

So for whatever reason I am often referred to as a meathead, well not for whatever reason…it’s because I compete in powerlifting competitions and enjoy shooting the shit with other weight lifters, but does this make me a meathead? Urban Dictionary defines meathead as an enormously muscular guy who cannot hold a conversation about anything other than weight-lifting and protein shakes. Gets upset very quickly when he cannot complete his own sentences and thoughts. Can be found at nightclubs wearing shirts that are 10 sizes too small (if at all). They are by far the most closely related human beings to that of apes, chimpanzees, and other primate. They are evolutionary hindered and are less capable of following directions than my dead hampster. A derogatory term referring to a person who is dead from the neck up which can be used as a noun or adjective.

Common meathead responses:
- "Bro let's down this protein shake then go to the gym."
- "Dude that guy has a Fall Out Boy shirt, do you think he's one of those Emos?

Prior to reading these explanations I would often brush off the idea of being a meathead, which I’m often called, but now after reading this I realized it is a bit harsh. I mean, a meathead??? All I think about is weight lifting and protein shakes? Dead from the neck up? I get upset easily? Well yea that last one is spot on but I am actually quite hurt by the idea that I’m some type of moron….the contrary is true….I’m well read in anthropology, literature, philosophy, economics, art, psychology, business, all of the basic sciences…and yes of course, exercise physiology…so am I guilty of being a meathead because the art of lifting is one my life passions??? I certainly hope not.

As a personal trainer, and hopefully soon physical therapist, I have to essentially “walk the walk” before I lecture others on proper diets and exercise techniques. Do my eyes light up at the thought of a new exercise program? Of course, just as an art patron is excited about a new exhibit at their local gallery. Do I enjoy the blood rushing to my legs and my back while blood vessels burst in my face as I squat 400lbs?!?!?! Most definitely, just as a mathematician feels accomplished after solving a complex algorithm. But I also enjoy school, classical music, and mentoring teens…I can’t handle the young ones though….they’re a bunch of childish assholes.

So if that makes me a meat head, so be it….Naveed the Meathead, Naveed the Gym Rat, Naveed the guy who can dead lift a Volkswagon Beatle.

not okay for guys

What is NOT okay for the gents

Go after another guy’s girl: while I don’t entirely believe in karma, I do believe in reputations and how small of a world this is so that it’ll stay with you and will probably come back to bite you in the ass. Listen guys…there are plenty of fish in the sea, so why the fuck would you go after another fish’s fish? Or is it a fisherman’s fish? I don’t fucking know just lay off if the girl has a boyfriend is what I’m trying to say. Besides if it was so easy to take her away from that dude what makes you think another guy won’t do the same to you?

Be another man’s judge and jury: if you really think about it, we’re all a bunch of assholes in some way or another. We all are guilty of doing shitty things and being hypocrites from time to time and we don’t need another group of assholes reminding us of how shitty we are. Yea some fucking schlep probably fucked up big time whether it was cheating on his wife, getting arrested, losing all his money in a pyramid scheme, or dropping out of school but it’s not your job as a friend to point your fucking finger at him while sitting on your righteous fucking pedestal….it’s your job to help them back up.

The jealous boyfriend: I see this time and time and time again and I am damn proud of not being the jealous type…you want your girlfriend to know you’re an insecure little boy? Tell her you didn’t like the way she looked at another guy, tell her you don’t want her going out with her friends, get mad when she doesn’t call you right back…If a girl really wanted to cheat on you or leave you there’s nothing you can do to stop her….NOTHING, but if you’re lucky enough to have a woman care for you as much as you care for her, nothing can get between you two…maybe Mario Lopez but fuck that guy.

Take the last slice of pizza: I’m just saying…..I’ve always hated that fucking guy.

Being a cheap bastard: god damn I hate cheap people….it’s okay to be broke, I’ve gone through it, you’ve gone through it, we’ve all gone through it and god bless those friends that help you through it (thank you Ray, James, and Alex) but if you don’t have money to go to dinner or the club, leave your ass at home. Don’t be the dude bumming drinks off your friends, the guy counting pennies when the bill comes out, or the only guy not wanting to buy a round (if you can afford it)… soon you’ll become the guy no one wants to invite. Don’t make your girl feel bad for the amount you spent on a date either….it’s a god damn date, you’re lucky she’s going out with your clown ass.

The guy who lives in the past…granted there are some people who like remembering your golden days but those guys are the same retards who are living in the past with you. No one gives a shit how many touchdowns you got in high school, how many girls you slept with, or how it should be like because that’s how it was in the past….truth be told you’ve probably gotten fatter and uglier and those girls are pregnant with three fucking kids by now so tough shit man….grow the fuck up and move on.

Giving unwarranted advice with no type of expertise to back it up-I gotta great group of guys in my corner, I really do….and I’d kill for these guys…..literally snap your neck like a twig for these motherfuckers, but they’re all guilty of saying some dumb fuckin’ shit with no life experience to back it up. I got friends who’ve never been faithful to their girlfriends giving relationship advice, I got guys with negative bank accounts giving me investing tips, the worst is when fatties give weight loss advice, come on fatty?….listen….I don’t know shit about cars…you lift up a hood and you’re lucky if I can point out the fucking engine….so when you’re car makes a funny sound I’m not gonna tell you it might be the carborator….I’m gonna tell you to call triple A, and you should do the same…

Dad's Jewel's of Wisdom

So this week I spent on vacation with my dad in North Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, and Atlanta. We drove 1100 miles to his new home in Chester, IL . While this is a considerably shorter amount of time I’ve spent with at my dad’s home, this is the most time we’ve spent together since I could remember. I’ve learned more about him in the last 6 days than I have in 23 years. If you know me, you know we’ve never had the best relationship…In fact I think we’ve had more bad times than good. But As I get older I realize how important fathers are in our lives and whether I like it or not, the older I get the more I become like my dad. My dad is a pretty weird guy….weird is not the right word….eccentric maybe? I don’t know what the fuck you call it but he cracked me up with half the shit he’d say so I started writing it down. I don’t agree with everything he says but he’s usually been right in the past so he might be right this time around….and yes I’m perfectly aware that this is a total rip off of “Shit My Dad Says” but I don’t give a shit, that dude gets paid for it and I don’t so kiss my ass….and buy that book it was really good.

“No Naveed, when you make as much as I do you will be a republican too….although I did vote for Obama….he seems like a pretty nice guy and we share the same middle name.”

“Naveed, money cannot buy you happiness but it can buy you SOMETHING! That is why I have so many things”

”When you are ready to get married go to Pakistan to find a wife….or go to Mexico…or marry a girl here I don’t really care just don’t get a divorce it is very expensive.”
“This Tiger Woods sex addiction is bullshit….how do I know? I am an addiction psychiatrist, what do you mean how do I know? I went to 4 years of medical school and completed three fellowships, how long have you been in school Naveed?”

“You know Naveed I bought that $3,000 Gucci watch and I only wear this $60 Casio, material things are unimportant and I don’t even know where that Gucci watch is….no you cannot have it Naveed because you are irresponsible.”

“Wow Naveed, you moved all of the furniture by yourself, you are very strong….now if you can just focus on your studies…I really don’t care how strong you are.”

“Naveed, explain to me the molecular structure of the fog surrounding those mountains…no Naveed you are never too old for a chemistry quiz…no that’s not right.”

“Dr. Shan, with your 25 years of experience in the field of Psychiatry, what would be your diagnosis of Dr. Rao”-Dr. Riwaanda
“He is very sad”-Dr. Shan

Like I said before the older I get, the more I become like my Dad. As much shit as I talk, the truth is he’s always been there for me and I thank him for that…I do think he’s slightly crazy though.

What is okay for guys....

Fresh off the plane from NYC-nothing's better than a well spent 3 day weekend followed by a 3 day work week followed by a week off in NC. I tried to post "okay for guys" rules that are applicable to my generation....since I see so many of you fuckers making the same mistake over and over again....hopefully by sometime next week I'll have some "not okay guys" for you....

What is okay: to fail, nobody gets it right the first time, and if they do they somehow manage to fuck it up later down the road

What is okay: watching a chick-flick with your girlfriend, you’ve made her watch Superbad 50 times, suck it up like a man and watch the Notebook.

What is okay: being selfish, too often we spend our time working for others, helping others, and talking to others…. well fuck, can I have an hour to myself each day to chill out and think about manly things?

What is okay: helping others, I know….kinda contradictory to the last one but I think it’s awesome to help other people and it feels pretty good when they’re grateful for it. My rule of thumb is with every kind act some gives me, I try to give two in return to other people…

What is okay: be active….no you don’t have to deadlift and tire flip and choke motherfuckers out like I do…I’m injured half the time and halfway retarded from it….but do something….too many of you guys get out of work, go home, sit on their ass, drink their beer, eat their shitty food, and wonder why they get out of breathe going up the escalator at the mall.

what is okay: Caring about how you look, I know this is big talk coming from a guy who only wears power lifting shirts and flip flops on the weekends but I think how you carry yourself through attire and being well groomed says a lot. SHAMELESS PLUG: check out my man Brian and RHM Style for all of your style needs…I would never wear the shit in GQ but I definitely take recommendations on style from RHM

what is okay: Not listening to your friend’s advice….come on man, your friends are fucking retards, you think they know what the hell they’re talking about????? These are the same guys that wanted you to chug the entire bottle of syrup in an ihop at 3 in the morning…..and you’re going to trust these fools with relationship, career, and financial well being?!?!?! Fuck that….go with your gut…..or a consultant.

What is okay: Being a nice guy, the tough guy asshole image gets tired fast and most people don’t like being around that guy for very long….except other tough guy assholes. Open doors for the elderly, tip well, and help your friends move once in a while….you’re not doing shit on Sundays anyway.

What is okay: not ballin’….god damn we are too concerned with material possessions and the amount we have in the bank and yet most of us don’t even know how to get there and waste our money on petty shit like $100 shirts, thousand dollar rims, and the latest and greatest of whatever we can put on credit…and then we wonder why we’re broke as fuck all the time. Save when the economy is good, spend when it’s bad, buy what you need, save the rest. I will be the first to admit I am no baller….car notes, student loans, and the rest of life’s bills I’m lucky I can afford organic beef…but I’m putting money in the bank and enjoying life a hell of a lot more than most. Most people who can afford the finer things in life no better than to waste their money on the stupid shit you do and if they’re not they won’t be well off for very long. Also…if a girl is interested in how much money you have you need to run in the exact opposite direction.

God damn I have been swamped….60 hour work weeks, training & conditioning for south Scottsdale high school football kids and going back to school, my spare time is filled with homework, hookah, and training….life isn’t all that bad, just busy as fuck so I haven’t had time to write on here

Things that are dope:

School!!!! I’m aiming for duel grad programs an MBA and a Doctorate in Physical Therapy, this is going to be a looooooooooooong process but it’s what I wanna do, so fuck you and wish me luck….and more hours in the day….I’m aiming for a 4.0 for the next few semesters so I’m currently looking for a cave to reside in for 3-4 years. …preferably with wifi

Diet!!!!! Ya I know…you’re probably sick of me writing about diet and nutrition but I’ve revamped my training, supplement, and diet programs and leaning out on average about 2lbs of bodyfat per week….I figure by 2014 I should look like this

Vacations: I’m taking the most trips in one summer than I ever have….I’ve pretty much lived the last three years like a 50 year old with no pension and a poor disposition so I figure it’s time to have fun before my responsibilities get outta hand and debt collectors figure out my cell phone number….I’ll be going to CT to visit the girlfriend for quality time and….well nevermind….I’ll be going to North Carolina for a week to do absolutely nothing!!!! I’m seriously psyched for 7 days of ten hours of sleep and cigars on my dad’s lake dock….he has a fucking lake dock and I have a futon…and lastly Rock the Bells in Cali with a few friends....some of my favorite mc's of all time are performing....I've missed the last few years so I definitely wanna make it to this one!!!!

Thing that I hate:

While I try to keep this blog pretty humorous and upbeat/cynical, I will ask all of you to keep your thoughts and prayers with my little brother….I’ve been his father pretty much all my life so for him to go through this breaks my heart…he has an eye infection in his left eye and is legally blind in the right. Hopefully we’ll be able to clear up the infection but I ask that you all send your prayers to my mom and the little insurgent…

I’ll try to post on here as often as I can, I enjoy complaining and making fun of my friends on here but with the current schedule only getting more hectic I might be writing less frequently, thanks for reading guys….it makes feel like less of an idiot for writing all this pointless shit

THING THAT IS DOPE: AUSTIN RECAP

So if you’ve been stalking me on Facebook or read the last blog you know I’ve spent the weekend in Austin, for the most part is a pretty dope city, but being the people observer/blogger I am I spent the majority of my time making fun of people’s flaws and shortcomings. While the rest of the fellows arrived the morning before I flew in Friday night stand by into San Antonio….which is a terrible experience and I would never recommend anyone do it….it’s like getting blue balls with five other people around you getting blue balls and them blaming you for their blue balls at that point in time

ANYWAY….I landed in San Antonio Friday night and was picked up by fez, james, ray, and chaps. You should all know this group of guys if you know me, but if you don’t I’ll sum up each of these fellows in one sentence.

Fez is an auditor from Houston; he enjoys talking about OD Phi, accounting, and being mean to waiters.

James is the reason we went on this trip and a recent ASU grad, this big hearted guy is very heavy handed when he drinks and also likes Big Ol’ Bear Hugs.

Ray is the Ari Gold of the crew; blunt, terribly honest and irons his undershirts, Ray does not like to be tickled.

Chaps is the grown ass man of the group; standing at 5”7 and 180lbs, Chaps enjoys tequila, bicycle rides, and instigating fights between Ray and James

I won’t go into specifics about the weekend, mainly because some moments have been blacked out from memory and it would take too long. So here are the highlights of the weekend

Friday Night

8pm: Fez and the gang drive an hour out of Austin to pick my cheap ass up in San Antonio, although Chaps wanted me to take the greyhound.

9-11pm: A few drinks later, we end up on the river walk with my elbow bleeding and me try to show Ray my cool new open wound.

12am: Get back to Austin, eat a clif bar, cheez-it’s, and a diet mountain dew for dinner….. keeping it healthy you know.

12:30-2am: Head to 6^th St, which has ridiculously cheap drinks and women with red highlights and gold grills…..to keep it classy

4am-2pm kind of a blur but I woke up on the hotel floor with my feet soaking wet...

Saturday

2pm-4pm: breakfast at denny’s, I spat coffee in Fez’s face for no apparent reason

4pm-6pm: drive to an outlet mall in San Marcos to buy irregular Underarmour shirts. Ray get’s pissed off at James and tries to divorce him.

6-7pm: walk around UT Austin, many graduates walking around….I start feeling like a loser for not graduating with honors

730-8pm: the guys want to workout before the night out so we head to the hotel gym for a hurricane training session, which is basically 6 minutes of nauseating sprints and resistance exercise.

8pm: Horacio tickles Ray, James tries to jump in but Ray still upset from earlier

10pm: Dinner at a place called Kat’s, pretty good deli although the sandwiches took 45 minutes.

12am-3am-debauchery ensues….

3am we try to fit SIX grown men into an Infiniti G35, we were successful in our efforts with the exception of James being sodomized by Ray and Frodo.

Sunday

12pm-go to the airport with the guys

12:30-James has a very VERY awkward conversation with the taxi driver discussing sex change operations and boy girl parts.

1:30-the fellows depart to Phoenix, I’m stuck ‘til 3pm

3:20pm-flight is overbooked, and stand by’s might not be able to get on the 6:45 flight, if they’re lucky.

3:20-I cry a little on the inside.

4:00-purchase a one way ticket to Phoenix for $320

4:05-cry a little more, try to comfort myself with a cinnabon

So besides the extremely shitty ending, Austin was a pretty dope trip. I think the highlights of the trip were probably the conversations between Ray and James, I won’t go into specific details but here’s an excerpt of what was said during a drive

James: Big guy, I’m gonna tickle you right now

Ray: You better not James, I fucking hate being tickled

James: Why big guy?

Ray: I JUST DON’T LIKE IT, DO YOU LIKE BEING FUCKED IN THE ASS!? NO YOU DON’T!!!! I DON’T LIKE BEING TICKLED

A few recommendations for the next trip: Staying in more than one room, atleast a suite. Five professional men shouldn’t be cramming into two queen size room to save a couple bucks. If you do decide to sardine can-it bring your own soap, I would rather stink for two days than lather up with a soap bar covered with curly little black hairs, and no James soap isn’t self cleaning. A PLAN on vacation makes the vacation pretty futile, who gives a shit what you do and when you do it, as long as you have a good time and end up eating hot dogs and four in the morning dripping mustard on your diesels…