not okay for guys

What is NOT okay for the gents

Go after another guy’s girl: while I don’t entirely believe in karma, I do believe in reputations and how small of a world this is so that it’ll stay with you and will probably come back to bite you in the ass. Listen guys…there are plenty of fish in the sea, so why the fuck would you go after another fish’s fish? Or is it a fisherman’s fish? I don’t fucking know just lay off if the girl has a boyfriend is what I’m trying to say. Besides if it was so easy to take her away from that dude what makes you think another guy won’t do the same to you?

Be another man’s judge and jury: if you really think about it, we’re all a bunch of assholes in some way or another. We all are guilty of doing shitty things and being hypocrites from time to time and we don’t need another group of assholes reminding us of how shitty we are. Yea some fucking schlep probably fucked up big time whether it was cheating on his wife, getting arrested, losing all his money in a pyramid scheme, or dropping out of school but it’s not your job as a friend to point your fucking finger at him while sitting on your righteous fucking pedestal….it’s your job to help them back up.

The jealous boyfriend: I see this time and time and time again and I am damn proud of not being the jealous type…you want your girlfriend to know you’re an insecure little boy? Tell her you didn’t like the way she looked at another guy, tell her you don’t want her going out with her friends, get mad when she doesn’t call you right back…If a girl really wanted to cheat on you or leave you there’s nothing you can do to stop her….NOTHING, but if you’re lucky enough to have a woman care for you as much as you care for her, nothing can get between you two…maybe Mario Lopez but fuck that guy.

Take the last slice of pizza: I’m just saying…..I’ve always hated that fucking guy.

Being a cheap bastard: god damn I hate cheap people….it’s okay to be broke, I’ve gone through it, you’ve gone through it, we’ve all gone through it and god bless those friends that help you through it (thank you Ray, James, and Alex) but if you don’t have money to go to dinner or the club, leave your ass at home. Don’t be the dude bumming drinks off your friends, the guy counting pennies when the bill comes out, or the only guy not wanting to buy a round (if you can afford it)… soon you’ll become the guy no one wants to invite. Don’t make your girl feel bad for the amount you spent on a date either….it’s a god damn date, you’re lucky she’s going out with your clown ass.

The guy who lives in the past…granted there are some people who like remembering your golden days but those guys are the same retards who are living in the past with you. No one gives a shit how many touchdowns you got in high school, how many girls you slept with, or how it should be like because that’s how it was in the past….truth be told you’ve probably gotten fatter and uglier and those girls are pregnant with three fucking kids by now so tough shit man….grow the fuck up and move on.

Giving unwarranted advice with no type of expertise to back it up-I gotta great group of guys in my corner, I really do….and I’d kill for these guys…..literally snap your neck like a twig for these motherfuckers, but they’re all guilty of saying some dumb fuckin’ shit with no life experience to back it up. I got friends who’ve never been faithful to their girlfriends giving relationship advice, I got guys with negative bank accounts giving me investing tips, the worst is when fatties give weight loss advice, come on fatty?….listen….I don’t know shit about cars…you lift up a hood and you’re lucky if I can point out the fucking engine….so when you’re car makes a funny sound I’m not gonna tell you it might be the carborator….I’m gonna tell you to call triple A, and you should do the same…