Awesome Things Currently Rocking my Fucking Socks Off

Sorry guys, I’ve been away from this blog for a bit but life has been pretty damn hectic as of late.  Working more than 60 hours a week training clients, mentoring, getting ready for the GRE and CSCS exams, and training for powerlifting meets has left little time for writing about how awesome I am.  I have no actual topic I want to talk about so I thought I’d steal Nate Green’s idea and just post an “Awesome Things Currently Rocking my Fucking Socks Off” blog (my title, not his).  So today I’m sitting with Samee at Taki Grill, an awesome Korean BBQ restaurant in South Phoenix.  I’m doing my best to stay focused on this blog but there are Korean boy band music videos playing in the tv in front of us and I can’t help but stare….it’s just hypnotizing and possibly seizure inducing.

POWERLIFTING

After my last photoshoot, my own training and nutrition began dragging a little bit so I decided to give powerlifting a shot again.  Karina and I just competed in a 100% Raw Federation Powerlifting meet and I was really happy with the results.  If you don’t Karina, I’ll do my best to sum her up in a few words; she’s gorgeous, smart, and can out-eat/out-deadlift most guys.  Karina has only been training for powerlifting for three months and she placed 1^st in her weight class.  I managed to cut 19lbs in 24 hours and still got my ass kicked by a tiny African gentleman named Vahana who out pulled me by 100lbs.  I also got to hang out with Bret Contreras!  Bret is one of the top guys in the fitness industry today, the world’s leading expert on the glutes, and if you’re interested you can buy his recently released book here! 

Sidenote: although I cut 19lbs in 24 hours I would never recommend it as it’s probably the equivalent to eating bath salts.  I damn near lost my mind….on the way up to Cottonwood I walked into a QT only wearing compression shorts and a hoodie just to weigh myself in their stall.  

MAN-SCAPING

I just discovered this place called the Art of Shaving; not really sure how to describe it other than a place to go where you get to sit down and a hipster (who has to be nice to you) intricately shaves your face with a straight edge.  Getting an old time shave is probably one of the relaxing things ever.  It’s a bit pricey but when you have Pakistani genetics that make you grow facial hair ridiculously fast it’s worth it, if you go four pubes on your face once a month then I wouldn’t bother.

DREAM JUMPERS
My fraternity brother Vincent Salgado recently released a video game that you can download on any smartphone called Dream Jumpers.  What’s pretty cool about this is I literally watched Vincent put the majority of his time, focus and energy into this game over the last few years and this culmination of it.  Unfortunately many of us get caught up in the hustle of everyday and lose touch with our dreams and goals, we become complacent with our lives.  Vincent on the other hand, is pursuing a dream which is slowly coming into fruition, and I think is the coolest fucking thing ever.  So if you get a chance to check it out, please do so!    

GOOSE EGG!!!!

Goose Eggs!  I’m not huge on the organic/grassfed/free range kick….I eat wild game and grass fed as often as I can but I’m not a nazi about it and I don’t ridicule others for not eating organic produce or eating not grass fed/free range meat.  Goose Eggs are no different, they’re pretty damn costly but for me personally it’s well worth the money!  

Resolutions

Help as many people as possible: I think the best part of my job is being able to help people.  While I love the smell of barbells and sweat as I walk into my office each morning, it’s seeing people improve their health/fitness and feel better about themselves that gives me the fucking warm and fuzzies.  So I’m going to make myself more reachable to others and find more ways to preach the good word of fitness to everyone from soccer moms to UFC fighters in hopes that I can help at least one new person each week.  

Read at least four books per month: one classic literature, one personal development book, one exercise related book, and one business book. (feel free to send me your favorite reads).

Get freakishly strong: As an avid lifter and self-declared meat head I love picking up heavy things and putting them down repeatedly, how this is enjoyable I have no idea but I enjoy the shit out of it.  I’m a pretty strong guy compared to average standards and I move enough weight to get a head nod from other real lifters and scare the shit out of the guys curling in the squat rack (not on my watch goddammit). Unfortunately, I don’t follow a periodized program, record my workouts, or have measurable goals….you know….all the shit I make my clients do; and unless I’m following someone else's program I just go into a gym and tear shit up.  Most of my focus in 2012 was to stop being such a fat ass and I did just that but it also meant putting my strength goals on the back burner.  So I have several realistic goals for myself by July 1^st, 2013: Dead Lift over 500lbs, Push Press 315lbs, Squat 455lbs, Snatch 225lbs, Clean 315lbs.

Only eat out twice a week while prepping, stealing or cooking my food for every other meal.

Become more financially responsible: The more successful I become as a trainer, the more money I make and of course the more money I make, the greater the chance I buy a bunch of useless shit.  As I’ve gotten older, I have become much better about my finances and buying less and less useless shit.  Apparently money can’t make you happy….I’m totally kidding, money is the root of all happiness but debt is the fucking worst.  So for the first half of the year I’ll be paying off debt and saving much much much more money than I have been in the past.  This means less frivolous spending, more effective budgeting, and not buying anymore vintage tees. L

Stop embarrassing Alex by ironing my clothes before we go out.

Stop giving unsolicited advice: As a trainer I’m constantly asked for advice from the typical “how do I lose weight?” to the not so typical “I can’t tell if I’m constipated or I’m dying.”  Regardless of the question, it’s almost become a natural response to try to offer people my advice even if they don’t ask.  Most people are polite; they nod and ask follow up questions but it’s kind of a pet peeve of mine when people come up to me and start telling me shit I should do….no I shouldn’t suck in my belly button when I lift, no I shouldn’t cut the fat off my steak, and no I shouldn’t listen to hip hop albums that should have been released in the last five years.   So no more advice giving unless I’m personally asked intelligent questions.  Side Note: I don’t think I’ve ever refused to offer someone who’s asked for my help but if you all you say is “I need help with my workouts” I’m not going to respond or at the most giving you a blank stare and give you a link to the Zumba website. 

Get rid of the clutter in my house and live a more minimalistic life.

Stop taking life so seriously: I had a conversation with my good friend Anna a few weeks ago in which we both confessed to acting like grandparents and the fact that we need to start acting our age and stop being so goddamn boring.  While my brand of fun usually involves conversing with friends over hookah, rolling on the mat, or breaking a new PR; I do whole heartily believe there are some occasions where a toast of a tasty adult beverage is absolutely necessary.  This past year I focused so much on my training, business and school that I didn’t feel nearly as accomplished as I thought I would.  What’s the point in having a six pack when you can’t enjoy the occasional dinner and drink with your loved ones? What’s point in making money if you can’t spend it on friends and great times?   This year I’m going to make it a point to crawl out of my cave, meet some new people, and act my age while still managing to grow my business, train like an animal, and maintain a sexy level of body fat….because that’s important you know.

Stop being such a control freak and let shit go.   

Be more awesome: Despite how funny, smart, charming, devilishly good looking, and intelligent I think I am I feel there’s always room for improvement.  This is more of a general resolution and one I’ve held onto for the last three New Year’s but it’s worked so far and I seem to be an all-around more useful human being with each passing year.  This year I’ll be focusing on many different aspects of awesome including being a better cook, writer, brother, mentor, trainer, and person.  I’m 26 so I have plenty of time to become better at the few things I’m passionate about.

26 Lessons/Rules/Ideas in 26 years

Out of all the blogs I write, my birthday blog is my absolute favorite.  It’s a time when I reflect back and try to write out everything I learned whether it has been in the last year or the last 26.  As you can see I’m getting older, a bit wiser, and a little less broke, and a little bit sexier.  Truth be told, this year started off absolutely awful…a true clusterfuck of unfortunate events but time went on and this has probably become the best year yet.  I got over a three year relationship and stopped cutting myself to Dashboard Confessionals songs, I fixed my face and got my jaw filled with screws and collagen, and I handled the IRS ravaging me fairly well.  I got through it all and became a better man for it.  So without rambling on too much here are 26 rules/ideas/lessons that I’ve learned and try to live by in 26 years; some seem some idiotic and common sense to a five year old, some rules I break even though I try not to, and some would probably just make sense to me.  

1. Some people will just dislike you for no reason; they may base this on generalizations of you, who you’re associated with, or just based off your appearance and that’s perfectly okay….generally these people are fucking assholes. 
2. Women don’t like “assholes”…they just don’t like pussies (I’ve said this before but I don’t care, it’ll never get old)
3. Help others when you have the chance….it doesn’t take nearly as much effort as you think.
4. Only give your opinion or advice when your asked and don’t be an asshole about it
5. If you don’t like the Black Keys there’s a good chance you’re a terrible human being…
6. Something being easy/hard/impossible is all relative…when I was eight I read that Bruce Lee lifted weights 5 days a week and thought that was impossible…now I train 10 times per week.  When I was a freshman in college I was told getting straight A’s was impossible, now getting less than that isn’t an option.  You set the bar and you set the level of difficulty with everything.
7. Sleep and recovery are just as important as any other aspect of your life, you can live off of 3-5 hours of sleep but you can’t thrive on it.  You can live off of celery and hot dogs for the rest of your life too but it doesn’t mean you should try it.
8. Wear clothes that fit and that you feel good in regardless of the brand or current trends….if I could see your belly button through your shirt or you have to hang your jeans around your ass you might have to increase a size or three….
9. Being a man has nothing to do with how many notches are on your belt, how much weight you lift, or how much beer you can take down…
10. Don’t be afraid to push yourself beyond your limits every now and then, it’s the best way you can progress.
11. Your opinion of someone shouldn’t be based off of a person’s religion/sexual orientation/political affiliation….people are generally awesome or assholes and it has nothing to do with what god they believe in, who they love, or what color tie they wear…but if someone is an extremist (i.e. Appalachian Snake Handler) you better be careful with that shit…..sorry Appalachian snake handlers…
12. Eating a certain way or training a particular style doesn’t make you better than anybody else, it can only make you a better version of yourself *Shelby Starnes* *Karina Rivera*
13. Try to smell good all of the time….with the exception of working out, there is absolutely no reason to be stinky.
14. Don’t talk shit about people when they’re not there to defend themselves…or at the very least don’t say anything you wouldn’t say to their face.
15. Read, read, and read some more…read books, articles, blogs, bottle labels when you’re on the can…it doesn’t matter just read!  Time spent reading is never wasted and if you have an hour to watch Snooki take up precious oxygen that could be used to fill empty pickle jars then you have time in your busy schedule to read…start with this.
16. Unless you’re an English teacher, don’t correct another person’s grammar; it makes you look more like an asshole than it makes the other person look stupid…you know the difference between there, their, and they’re….congratulations, I’m sure the rest of 5^th grade was fantastic for you. 
17. Do what you love, it makes life incredibly easier.
18. Cut the elitist bullshit out….your bank account/job title/education makes you no better and no worse than anyone else.
19. Being yourself is much more important than being original…you’re probably much cooler than you think you are when you’re not worrying about only listening to bands I won’t hear about for 15 years and only drinking obscure beers that taste like horse piss
20. When it comes to relationships all you can do is want and hope.  You can only want that person to be with you and only hope they feel the same way but nothing can or should be forced
21. I gave up drinking for some time and I doubt I’ll ever get shit faced wasted and black out again in my life…but there are some occasions when a toast of champagne or a shot of tequila is absolutely necessary…
22. 
    



(disclaimer: I don’t believe in hate, it’s a tremendous waste of energy and time but if Mr. Rollins says it, then so be it.)

23. We’ve become a society where we’re being continuously being stimulated by external sources…youtube, facebook, texting, emails, telegrams….we feel we need to be in constant contact with others or we start freaking out….we’ve slowly developed the attention spans of goldfish.  Every once in a while it’s alright just to turn everything off and enjoy being by yourself…whether it’s meditating, studying, working out, or eating dessert by yourself like your Steven Glansberg…
24. Kind of goes with #14, find something you can totally lose yourself in and make it a staple in your life.  For me, it’s jiu-jitsu….it’s hard to stress about school or work when you have someone trying to choke you out or break your arm.
25. Treat your girlfriend/partner/wife/shaaawwwttteeeyyyy as well as you possibly can.  She could be          with absolutely anyone in the world but she’s with you and there may be times when you don’t deserve to be so damn lucky.  Be loyal to her, tell her how you feel, and move mountains for her (Ryan Gosling voice)
26. Always try to end everything on a good note with no hard feelings….unless rule #1 applies then they should just go fuck themselves.

Well that’s it….those are 26 rules/lessons/ideas I live by.  I want to thank you for taking the time to read it; I genuinely appreciate it and you’re all aces in my book.  Now I’m off to spend the rest of day lifting heavy things, eating carbohydrates, and being awesome.

Cheers.

motivation...PFFFFFFFFF....

Recently I’ve been getting messages from clients and friends about motivation. Lack of motivation, lack of will power, lack of desire to change….whatever it is they feel something is missing and something needs to change.  I’m never sure how to respond because while I try my best to understand the problem, empathy (at least in fitness and nutrition) is always something I’ve had trouble with.  Most people have a “goal” in mind, whether it’s lose weight, add muscle, look better naked, or train for a marathon…whatever it may be, they usually have an end goal in sight.  Unfortunately, they only WANT to accomplish this goal but it stops at just that….a want…not a necessity

Motivation is an odd term…people feel if they don’t have it they won’t be able to perform and succeed.  Well what is motivation? It’s defined as simply the desire to do something but I think it also encompasses the purpose of that desire. Why do you want to lose weight, run a marathon, or look better naked? Is it necessary for your happiness? Will it make you a better person? Will you benefit from it?

When clients ask me to motivate them I don’t know what the hell to tell them….”push? One more rep? You can do it?” fuck all that….I’m just not that kind of trainer…if I’m lucky I get to train clients 2-5 hours a week…out of 168…what the hell am I going to say to you that will keep you motivated the other 98% of the week? Not much…

you don’t need motivation, you need to be consistent.  You need to change that simple desire into a necessity.  Do you need it as bad as you need a job, food, and shelter? Of course not but you need to change the way you view your goals.  You probably view your goals as an option but if your goal is to lose 10lbs of fat well then you NEED to train with intensity and stop eating crap.  If your goal is to get stronger well then you NEED to progressively overload and put plates on that bar.  If your goal is to run a marathon?  Well then you NEED to fucking run.  The end to all of these goals doesn’t happen overnight and it takes more than watching a training montage or a Ray Lewis speech to get you motivated.  It takes consistency day in day out….regardless of whether you want to or feel like it, you just have to.  Don’t feel like working out and eating clean? Tough shit…you need to do it to get to your goal, no questions and no exceptions.  

I get asked pretty frequently how I do it, how I stay motivated to change my lifestyle, to eat well, and train hard day in and day out regardless of my 60 hour work week schedule.  Well the thing is…I don’t need motivation….I don’t have a fire under my ass, Eye of the Tiger playing in the background, or wicked pre workout formula to get started…I just start moving no matter how I feel.  I don’t view my training or my eating habits as a want, I view them as a need.  My goal is to compete at a certain weight class for jiu jitsu and powerlifting and just to look better so I NEED to lower my body fat percentage and drop some lbs….the goal doesn’t matter, but if you want to accomplish whatever goal you have, then you NEED to work towards it.  Training is a NEED for me, eating clean is a NEED for me.  Could I stop working out and eating healthy? Sure….just as I could stop brushing my teeth, stop working, and stop showering everyday….but then I would be homeless, smelly, and out of shape.  I put my wants, feelings, and all other bullshit life throws at me aside….it doesn’t stop me from training and it definitely doesn’t stop me from eating healthy.    

               

What Drives You?

I don't like free time...it throws off my schedule and usually ends with me wasting money or eating paradise bakery cookies, typically my days start at 5am and end at 8pm but last Thursday I got out at 5….wasn’t sure what to do with myself since I'd already finished my daily workout, finished my studies, and I didn’t want to go home just yet so I went to the mall for a bit and ran into my old fraternity brother Manuelito “toon-tizzle” Camarillo.  You may not know Toon-Tizzle but he’s a pretty awesome guy; smart, funny, ambitious, and he’s single….ladies???  I also enjoy hanging out with Toon Tizzle since he’s 1 out of like 3 guys I know who is actually shorter than me.  So we thought we’d grab dinner since neither of us had eaten and hadn’t seen each other in a while so we head off for fajitas and brews…well he drank a brew and I was the asshole at the bar with an iced tea….you know…that dude.  

We discuss everything from relationships, investments, working, and books…then Toon Tizzle told me that he considered me a pretty driven and motivated individual and posed an interesting question and one that stumped me quite a bit, he asked me what drives me and pushes me to follow my passion, what motivates me to succeed….it was a pretty thought provoking question to ask over fajitas and black beans and it took me a moment to process but I figured I give it a shot…I also think this is a question that everyone should ask themselves…While I only mentioned a few sentences that day, here’s my response to the question now that I’ve had the chance to think it through.

I always want to improve, there is no facet of my life that I’m content with and I hope I’ll never get to a point in my life that I’m satisfied.  There is always more weight to be lifted, more money to be made, more mountains to be moved, and more knowledge to attain.  There’s no such thing as perfect and considering anything in my life as such will probably lead to my downfall.  I will always strive for more.  I don’t really care about becoming incredibly rich but I do know what it’s like to be broke…to have nothing in your bank account, no income, unpaid bills, scrambled eggs for every meal and I never want to be like that again, so I work….I work my ass off so I can pay my bills, eat organic food, and enjoy nights out with friends and not worry if I have enough in my bank account.  Samee is one of my biggest motivations to succeed and is probably one of the reasons I have the work ethic that I do today.  While I have no desire to be the next Warren Buffet, I intend to make enough money to take Samee to Disneyland whenever the hell he wants and give him a comfortable life.  My clients are part of my motivation as well, I count their successes as my own; every pound lost, every weight lifted, every tenth of a second I take off their 40 add to my success and put a smile on my just as much as any paycheck.  

I work hard in every aspect of my life because I hate laziness….I despise people who say they want something and do nothing to get it.  You want to be rich yet you sit on your ass doing nothing, you want to be in shape yet you haven’t been to the gym in months, you want a 4.0 GPA, yet you dick around not studying and not doing your homework.   I don’t like sitting around waiting for what I want to fall in my lap because I know it never will. 

I don’t need the Rocky theme song blaring in my head 24/7 to feel constantly pumped and charged to take on every new challenge but I look at my completing my goals as a necessity, not a choice.  Truth be told, there are days I want to sleep in past 4:30, days I don’t feel like working out, I don’t feel like studying, and when I don’t want to make my meals and would rather have a cheesecake for lunch…then I stop being a pussy and remind myself of my goals...no one is going to give me money, no one is going to deadlift 500lbs for me, no one is going to lower my body fat percentage, and no one is going to give me an A+.  I remind myself that every decision I make at any given moment of every day is affecting my goals, either taking a step  forward or a step back and that I can’t afford to make any slip ups.

"It is only through work and strife that either nation or individual moves on to greatness. The great man is always the man of mighty effort, and usually the man whom grinding need has trained to mighty effort."

So, what drives you to succeed? 

dating and such

I’ve been on a few dates this year…some good, some fun, and some god awful…It’s been 5 months since I’ve been out of a serious relationship and I figured it’s time to dust off the cobwebs, put on my dating socks, and get out there.  I wasn’t looking for anything serious, I just enjoy conversations over dinner while trying not to be terribly awkward or ramble on about advances in modern science….I consider them practice rounds and a chance to talk to someone else outside of my small circle of friends (I still love you guys, I just got an itch that I would never want any of you to scratch).  I’ve come to two conclusions about women.  Regardless of my age or how many dates and women I meet, I will never fully understand any of them.  Generalizations about them and cliché sayings are a total fucking farce.  I have made some observations while dating and also what I do like in a woman and what makes me cringe. 

not every girl is looking for a long term commitment just like not every guy is looking for a meaningless hook up...make sure the other person knows where you stand. 

If a woman doesn’t like to be respected and will respond positively to being treated like shit, she’s either retarded or has severe issues…. Either way run in the opposite direction as fast as you can.

You can't be all things to all women....just as you have your personal tastes and preferences in an ideal partner, they do too....unless you're Ryan Gosling but fuck that guy.

The majority of women you label as “psycho” aren’t actually psycho….if a girl repeatedly cheated on you, lied to you, and mistreated you and you were retarded enough to stick around, you’d probably be a bit suspicious and go through her text messages too….but some people are in fact chemically imbalanced...but that's something you should have figured out before you asked them out. 

Women don’t “like” assholes, they just don’t like pussies…so man the fuck up pal, grow some chest hair and chop some wood….if she’s into that kind of thing

what I learned about myself and women

I don’t care how cute she is, if she’s a moron I just can’t date her…in fact, I probably hate her a little bit.  An intelligent and meaningful conversation can be just as sexy to me as a little black dress.  Humor goes hand in hand with this one…I think what a girl laughs at is a pretty good indication of intelligence…and if she laughs at Dane Cook or Gabriel Iglesias, I’d probably leave her at the restaurant with the bill….okay no I won’t but I couldn’t go on a 2^nd date with her.

I can’t stand negativity, this is kind of funny coming from the guy who used to sulk in his own cynicism but I don’t like having to counsel, console, and life coach a girl on the first date…I’ve been told I always look pissed off and I need to smile more often but I promise I’m a genuinely happy person 95% of the time...I’d like to date someone who shares that quality. 

My views on sex and women are probably different from most guys, I enjoy quality over quantity putting everything I have (both emotionally and physically) into the act rather than just looking for someone to get my jollies off…I’d rather have an amazing steak once in a while then a new shitty cheeseburger everyday…also STD’s scare the shit outta me…

I love strong women…both mentally and emotionally….a stable woman who knows what she wants, is able to stand on her own two feet, and isn’t afraid to speak her mind.  Also, a girl that can do an ass to grass back squat with at least a 45 on each side is quite possibly the sexiest thing ever. 

A Gentleman's Trip to Vegas

Las Vegas, I’m not sure what attracts me to Sin City every year…but no matter how costly, depressing, or painful the trip; I always find myself at a blackjack table praying or at a buffet crying and self-loathing. I usually leave Vegas much poorer and fatter than when I got there, but not this time…I’m 25 years old, I no longer have an excuse for being impulsive and careless….I’m a goddamn grownup, so it’s time to act like one. This would be a gentlemen’s vacation, a trip we would get the most out of and enjoy, because we work too fucking hard to expect anything less. This trip involved the usual cronies; if you don’t know them personally I’ll sum each gentleman in a few sentences.

Alex is the boss of the trip….I say this because he runs a furniture company, he is an alpha male, and his personal anthem is that one Kelis’ song. In his spare time Alex enjoys craps (the game, not defecation), Nike Dunks, and the same 10 songs over and over again.

Vince is the Navigator….I say this because he’s wide bodied and luxurious with a sleek paint job and chrome trimming….and also because he called eternal shotgun and was guiding Alex through the sin city. In his spare time Vince enjoys Moet with strawberries, being mistaken for the bouncer and sleeping in unusual places.

Enrique is the hipster….I say this because he is the youngest and most trendy of the group….and because he dresses like a hipster….seriously….look at this fucking hipster. In his spare time, Enrique enjoys cardigans, thriving on 30 minutes of sleep, and whatever hipsters like doing.

I am the brains of the group....not in the "street smart" sense, but more so in the sense that if someone needed a random science fact or needed to count their change really fast, I was their man. In my spare time I enjoy working out, notifying Enrique when he's received a text messages, and binge eating at the dessert section at the buffet....and looking damn good in this suit.

This was a mild mannered trip compared to most….and that’s fine by us. Not every Vegas trip needs to involve hangovers, thousands lost at the tables, or inexplicable blood stains on your clothes. We told ourselves we would be gentlemen, we would show restrain, and we would appreciate what Vegas has to offer…and remember it the next day. Here’s what we did

Sunday

2pm-Enrique and I depart Phoenix

6:50pm-Enrique says we should try to win money on this trip…I agree

7:38pm-arrive at the Hard Rock hotel and check in

7:40pm-see Prince’s purple velvet suit and begin to inexplicably cry tears of joy.

8pm-hit the black jack table

8:02pm-lose $100

8:04pm-win $100

9:20pm-Cordell jumps out of the darkness and scares the shit out of us…and joins us for the evening

9:30pm-pick Vincent and Alejandro from the Airport

9:32pm-set a new dress code for the Jack in the Box on Tropicana ave.

10:45pm-arrive at Vanity in HRH for bottle service and line dancing

11:30pm-convince the table next to us that Cordell is actually Big Sean and we are his body guards

11:45pm-see Chazz Palminteri (Sonny from the Bronx Tale) and begin to inexplicably cry tears of joy

Monday

1am-dance Salsa and Merengue to house music

3am-Vince begins to give everyone the thumbs up

4-5:30am-We all get separated and hilarity ensues but for legal reasons, nothing will be mentioned

9am-hurricane workout!

12pm-Order an immense amount of food at the” Egg and I” and become extremely disappointed when I can’t impress the waitress with my awesome eating skills

2pm-geek out at the Nike store….Alex and I pick out the same tee shirt unexpectedly and have a brotherly moment but he refuses to buy the same shirt and match the rest of the day….Vince becomes infuriated when they don’t carry the dunks he wants in his usual size 17.

2:45pm-Alex buys a pair of purple dunks and compliments himself on his exquisite taste the rest of the day

3pm-get back to the hotel and hit the tables for a few hours….I convince Alex and Enrique to put a dollar on 32….they lose….I refuse to pay them back

4pm-everyone goes back to the room for a nap

4:03pm-realize I can’t sleep so I wake everyone up for a workout….Vince cannot be risen from his deep slumber

7:30pm-arrive at Vic & Anthony’s Steak House at the Golden Nugget and enjoy the greatest filet mignon I’ve ever had….the rest of the gents agree it’s amazing. We highly recommend it…”every time you eat a steak, a hippie’s hacky sack falls into the gutter”

8pm-Realize the importance of an undershirt with a dress shirt and my nipples begin to chafe….this is the most excruciating discomfort of my life

9pm-arrive at the Sin City Comedy Show….hilarity ensues

10:55pm-arrive at Marquis Night Club at the Cosmopolitan….not an exaggeration, this is quite possibly the best club I’ve ever been to…

1:30pm-ball so hard motherfuckers want to find us

Tuesday

12am-ask the waitress at our table to turn down the music….she comes back 2 minutes later with ear plugs

1-4am-kind of a blur

4:15am-Enrique and I get into a fight in the restroom over trust…we quickly make up and hug it out in front of the sinks

12pm-buffet breakfast in downtown Vegas where we miraculously don’t get food poisoning or diarrhea and I go balls to wall on pastries….Enrique confesses to the group he’s lactose intolerant

3:30pm-Enrique and I hit the road and begin our trek back to Phoenix

3:34pm-Enrique faints from excitement to return home

7pm Alex and Vince board their plane and get to Phoenix before we do.

This has to be the best Vegas I’ve ever been on and definitely a great group of guys to spend the trip with. We didn’t waste too much time or money at the tables, we weren’t hung over, we acted like gentlemen, and left Vegas feeling better than when we arrived.