THING THAT IS DOPE: AUSTIN RECAP

So if you’ve been stalking me on Facebook or read the last blog you know I’ve spent the weekend in Austin, for the most part is a pretty dope city, but being the people observer/blogger I am I spent the majority of my time making fun of people’s flaws and shortcomings. While the rest of the fellows arrived the morning before I flew in Friday night stand by into San Antonio….which is a terrible experience and I would never recommend anyone do it….it’s like getting blue balls with five other people around you getting blue balls and them blaming you for their blue balls at that point in time

ANYWAY….I landed in San Antonio Friday night and was picked up by fez, james, ray, and chaps. You should all know this group of guys if you know me, but if you don’t I’ll sum up each of these fellows in one sentence.

Fez is an auditor from Houston; he enjoys talking about OD Phi, accounting, and being mean to waiters.

James is the reason we went on this trip and a recent ASU grad, this big hearted guy is very heavy handed when he drinks and also likes Big Ol’ Bear Hugs.

Ray is the Ari Gold of the crew; blunt, terribly honest and irons his undershirts, Ray does not like to be tickled.

Chaps is the grown ass man of the group; standing at 5”7 and 180lbs, Chaps enjoys tequila, bicycle rides, and instigating fights between Ray and James

I won’t go into specifics about the weekend, mainly because some moments have been blacked out from memory and it would take too long. So here are the highlights of the weekend

Friday Night

8pm: Fez and the gang drive an hour out of Austin to pick my cheap ass up in San Antonio, although Chaps wanted me to take the greyhound.

9-11pm: A few drinks later, we end up on the river walk with my elbow bleeding and me try to show Ray my cool new open wound.

12am: Get back to Austin, eat a clif bar, cheez-it’s, and a diet mountain dew for dinner….. keeping it healthy you know.

12:30-2am: Head to 6^th St, which has ridiculously cheap drinks and women with red highlights and gold grills…..to keep it classy

4am-2pm kind of a blur but I woke up on the hotel floor with my feet soaking wet...

Saturday

2pm-4pm: breakfast at denny’s, I spat coffee in Fez’s face for no apparent reason

4pm-6pm: drive to an outlet mall in San Marcos to buy irregular Underarmour shirts. Ray get’s pissed off at James and tries to divorce him.

6-7pm: walk around UT Austin, many graduates walking around….I start feeling like a loser for not graduating with honors

730-8pm: the guys want to workout before the night out so we head to the hotel gym for a hurricane training session, which is basically 6 minutes of nauseating sprints and resistance exercise.

8pm: Horacio tickles Ray, James tries to jump in but Ray still upset from earlier

10pm: Dinner at a place called Kat’s, pretty good deli although the sandwiches took 45 minutes.

12am-3am-debauchery ensues….

3am we try to fit SIX grown men into an Infiniti G35, we were successful in our efforts with the exception of James being sodomized by Ray and Frodo.

Sunday

12pm-go to the airport with the guys

12:30-James has a very VERY awkward conversation with the taxi driver discussing sex change operations and boy girl parts.

1:30-the fellows depart to Phoenix, I’m stuck ‘til 3pm

3:20pm-flight is overbooked, and stand by’s might not be able to get on the 6:45 flight, if they’re lucky.

3:20-I cry a little on the inside.

4:00-purchase a one way ticket to Phoenix for $320

4:05-cry a little more, try to comfort myself with a cinnabon

So besides the extremely shitty ending, Austin was a pretty dope trip. I think the highlights of the trip were probably the conversations between Ray and James, I won’t go into specific details but here’s an excerpt of what was said during a drive

James: Big guy, I’m gonna tickle you right now

Ray: You better not James, I fucking hate being tickled

James: Why big guy?

Ray: I JUST DON’T LIKE IT, DO YOU LIKE BEING FUCKED IN THE ASS!? NO YOU DON’T!!!! I DON’T LIKE BEING TICKLED

A few recommendations for the next trip: Staying in more than one room, atleast a suite. Five professional men shouldn’t be cramming into two queen size room to save a couple bucks. If you do decide to sardine can-it bring your own soap, I would rather stink for two days than lather up with a soap bar covered with curly little black hairs, and no James soap isn’t self cleaning. A PLAN on vacation makes the vacation pretty futile, who gives a shit what you do and when you do it, as long as you have a good time and end up eating hot dogs and four in the morning dripping mustard on your diesels…

Thing that is dope: trips with the fellows.
This Friday I'll be meeting some of my frat brothers in Austin for a graduation trip for the big guy AKA James AKA the Big Utah. If you've never been to Austin I highly recommend it, and if you’ve never been out of town with James I’d recommend shoulder pads and a cup. But the people are nice, barbeque is fucking bomb, and 6th St....well 6th St is like mill Ave with much less douche bags, way more bars, and too much fun. I'm a pretty reserved guy at home, in bed by 10; I seldom drink, and I read for fun. BUT when I go out of town, especially with this particular group of guys I tend to loosen up my tie just a tad. Here's a video from our last road trip to SD.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=680377436101

Thing that I hate: ungrateful people, seriously I fucking hate these little shits with an immeasurable amount of passion. I think its human nature to forget what we have and how fortunate we are to have our friends, family, and significant others but it shouldn't take us too much to be reminded of the people we've been blessed to have in our lives. I love helping and mentoring others in whatever they might need help with, and I definitely believe we should always give back when we are able to.

BUT

Some people these days I tell ya, I could break my back for some motherfuckers and wont get so much as a thank you. So I hope all of you reading this are grateful for what you have an appreciative of the people who help you in life. For those people, who seem to just EXPECT it, thinking your entitled to something….I say good day to you….and go fuck yourself.

My opinion on popular training programs

I often get asked about the latest and greatest exercise programs. Does p90x work, what about insanity training, what do I think about cross fit, and I'm always happy to offer my opinion.

Everything works...especially when you've been doing nothing since your high school weights class. Seriously...you can go outside and start landscaping, if you've never done it before I guarantee you're lower back, shoulders and hands will be as sore as if you went into the gym and worked on the same muscle group….and you don’t have to deal with douche bag gym guy.

It all works.... for a short time that is...if you're consistent with a training program you're body will adapt to it between 6-12 weeks...after that you're results usually start to plateau.... for some reason people assume that the results will keep coming as they did the first month of a training program...I know 30 year old guys who are still doing the same shit they did in high school football...coulda fooled me.... you look like you'd strain your back and get outta breath picking flowers.

My point is that in the time of diabetes, heart disease, and absolutely no skinny kids...seriously all I ever see is fat seven year olds everywhere.anything that gets you up and moving.

What I do like about these programs is they challenge the cardio fat loss myth...since the 1970's people have thought long distance running and cycling were the way to go.... and these programs challenge that ideal.... you won’t be prescribed slow tempo cycling or jogging 10 miles with these programs your gonna be doing pushups and pullups til you vomit.... then you'll go vomit…and then you’ll do some more.

The one issue I do have is people with muscular imbalances and previous doing shit they have no business doing. The guy with the torn rotator cuff has no business doing overhead snatches...especially when he's doing them terribly terribly wrong. None of these programs have individual assessment in their training....This is important because without assessing what imbalances and possible weak areas you have you’re just asking….PRAYING…for an injury. This explains why the girl in your step class tore her ACL or the tard next to you bench press just tore his rotator cuff.
But again, it doesn't matter what you're doing...as long as your doing something....the strongest kid pound for pound isn't a football player or a powerlifter....its a fucking b boy!!! So just get up off your ass, turn off Lost and do something! That show’s dumb anyway.

N.Shan & H.Margaret join forces

You know...I'm not impressed by too many people very often...infact I usually think I'm the smartest funniest baddest motherfucker in the room....that is until Hannah walks in....and yes I most certainly am threatened. A very intelligent clever girl that you need to stay on the look out for....if she doesn't publish a book soon I'm gonna steal all her ideas and sell them to Warner Brothers as my own. I hope you enjoy...and for more of her work please hit up http://hmargaret.blogspot.com

3:18 PM | Posted by Hannah |
this blog was suggested by Mr. Naveed Shan http://thingsihateandthingsthataredope.blogspot.com check it out it's hella dope. dope is such an awesome word he and i often use to describe each others thoughts. SO i was asked to do a featuring on things that are and aren't dope. notice the other part of his blog is 'things that i hate'. i am combining fabulous thoughts and brain power to create ...... "THE DOPE/HATE LIST" a little list of random acts and fuckery that are dope and others that i hate.

Dope: spending time with your mom on mother's day. i think this is an appropriate way to start off because of the occasion. it's awesome when you can kick back with mom dukes and let you know how much you appreciate her. i mean she did raise your badass right? so thumbs up to everyone that let their momma know that they care instead of just buy her something and overnighting it to her ( which wouldn't work anyways because mail doesn't come on Sundays.. good job asshole). quality vs. quantity

Hate: Tyra Banks. ive spoken about her a time or two but i really feel like trya has grown at the top of my shit list. im sorry but you can never compare to oprah in talk show hosting or in being a total badass. giving the audience a complete make over doesn't even come close to buying everyone a car. the thing that really gets me about her is that she has a story for EVERYTHING! maybe its just me but i don't feel she can relate to everybody, c'mon now she's freaking tyra banks. and if there is one more show that pumps out a top model i might jump off a cliff. unless my best friend alysha makes the cut this season then ill Tvo that shit every week! but honestly tyra is annoying, loud, too happy, with next to no humor. yet i still find myself watching her show whenever it comes on. well damn.

Dope: summer vacations are definitely on this list. it's a time when you can forget all the bullshit you have going on in your life and just get away. it's also a time where you can spend absurd amounts of money get drunk everyday and not have a care in the world. from the drive to the food friends and memories, taking short noticed summer vacas are fuggin dope. next week some sisters and i are going to la and yes we plan to do nothing. it's gonna be one of those 'wherever the wind takes us' kinds of trips. plus. what happens on vacas stays on vacas!
"except herpes that shit'll come back with you"

Hate: pedestrians. your probably thinking 'where the hell did that come from' but really sit and think about it. when you are on your way to something really important and your about to make that right on red what is standing in your way taking their happy ass time... a PEDESTRIAN. and it's always at the worst times in the world you know? if it's not the guy singing to himself with his ipod literally walking like a snail it's the chick on her cell phone probably whining to her best friend that her boyfriend left her. regardless... they are always in the way. not only that but pedestrians often have the mind set that they have the right away to EVERYTHING.. no little one i am driving a freaking CAR a machine that will snap you into two, imma need you to speed up. i can't wait till we advance in technology and can just all fly or teleport to where we need to be. eh until then i suppose i will have to be late to that meeting and yell back when they try to give me the stink eye.

moms and tea parties

Thing that is dope: MOMS!!!!
So today, on the eve of mother’s day I’d like to write about how dope moms are. I don’t think mothers get nearly enough credit for being the bad asses they are. Dads are awesome and I respect the hell out of all my friends and brothers who accepted their responsibilities and stopped doing all the petty retarded shit they did as boys, but moms…. they are bad asses.

The baddest mother of all?!?! My mom…. I remember when I was six seeing my mom pick up her 200 pound bedridden father out of a wheelchair into the car like he was a fuckin’ feather. My mom is 5’2 and maybe a buck-forty but I still fear she could beat my ass if she wanted to…. actually that’s not a fear, I know she will beat the shit out of me if I raised my voice at her. You have to understand, I was a little asshole growing up, so for someone to put up with my bullshit for 23 years…they deserve a medal, or holiday, or a certificate at the least. Many guys will talk about being hardcore, and bad asses….fuck that…you know what’s bad and hardcore??? Raising two boys by yourself, one being autistic, while getting your Master’s, and working three jobs you despise and not complaining about it…ever. I think most of you cupcakes would fold like mothafuckin’ cardboard

Thing that is not dope: tea partiers….just sayin’….those people are fucking crazed and need to committed….god damn commies

if you don't have anything nice to say shut the fuck up

Not okay guys: slandering another man in order to get attention of a lady...this isn't something that's talked about but it really needs to be addressed...I see it quite too often; gentlemen are competing for the attention and affection of a lady and they start mudslinging at each other in hopes...well I don't know what the Fuck they hope, I suppose they think that they can speak so badly of the other guy, the girl would realize what an amazing person he is and fall into his arms...I'm sure this is the case if the girl is a retard but more often than not, she realizes what a shady little piece of shit you are.

While an active member of my fraternity, we often encouraged our potential pledges to go out and look at other frats to see if they were right for them, if they came back, GREAT! if not...meh

the rushees would come back telling us about what all the other fraternities said...my response would usually be to shrug my shoulders and reply if that were true I wouldn't be standing promoting this organization. I think the same is true for women...if the gal is so susceptible to gossip and side talk, I probably wouldn't consider her a keeper...

What is okay: I will seldom lie for my friends unless I've been sworn to secrecy or whatever fib I'm withholding could jeopardize their career, relationships, or personal lives...I speak highly of other people and try to speak as highly as I can without kissing their ass. For example, John Rojas is a stand up guy, which is quite true...John Rojas is an awesome fucking dude....but I don't need to mention any of his flaws or the fact that he bullies me....why? Well it’s not necessary, it's shows you have no class, and I don't like people knowing I get picked on by a guy who's 5'5 and 140lbs...Sorry yonny beby...

The point I'm trying to make is if you need to talk shit about another guy to make yourself you're probably not too much of a prize piece yourself...I got plenty of people I despise but if a girl I like has even a remote interest in any if those guys...definitely not for me.