Am I a Meathead?!?!?!

So for whatever reason I am often referred to as a meathead, well not for whatever reason…it’s because I compete in powerlifting competitions and enjoy shooting the shit with other weight lifters, but does this make me a meathead? Urban Dictionary defines meathead as an enormously muscular guy who cannot hold a conversation about anything other than weight-lifting and protein shakes. Gets upset very quickly when he cannot complete his own sentences and thoughts. Can be found at nightclubs wearing shirts that are 10 sizes too small (if at all). They are by far the most closely related human beings to that of apes, chimpanzees, and other primate. They are evolutionary hindered and are less capable of following directions than my dead hampster. A derogatory term referring to a person who is dead from the neck up which can be used as a noun or adjective.

Common meathead responses:
- "Bro let's down this protein shake then go to the gym."
- "Dude that guy has a Fall Out Boy shirt, do you think he's one of those Emos?

Prior to reading these explanations I would often brush off the idea of being a meathead, which I’m often called, but now after reading this I realized it is a bit harsh. I mean, a meathead??? All I think about is weight lifting and protein shakes? Dead from the neck up? I get upset easily? Well yea that last one is spot on but I am actually quite hurt by the idea that I’m some type of moron….the contrary is true….I’m well read in anthropology, literature, philosophy, economics, art, psychology, business, all of the basic sciences…and yes of course, exercise physiology…so am I guilty of being a meathead because the art of lifting is one my life passions??? I certainly hope not.

As a personal trainer, and hopefully soon physical therapist, I have to essentially “walk the walk” before I lecture others on proper diets and exercise techniques. Do my eyes light up at the thought of a new exercise program? Of course, just as an art patron is excited about a new exhibit at their local gallery. Do I enjoy the blood rushing to my legs and my back while blood vessels burst in my face as I squat 400lbs?!?!?! Most definitely, just as a mathematician feels accomplished after solving a complex algorithm. But I also enjoy school, classical music, and mentoring teens…I can’t handle the young ones though….they’re a bunch of childish assholes.

So if that makes me a meat head, so be it….Naveed the Meathead, Naveed the Gym Rat, Naveed the guy who can dead lift a Volkswagon Beatle.

not okay for guys

What is NOT okay for the gents

Go after another guy’s girl: while I don’t entirely believe in karma, I do believe in reputations and how small of a world this is so that it’ll stay with you and will probably come back to bite you in the ass. Listen guys…there are plenty of fish in the sea, so why the fuck would you go after another fish’s fish? Or is it a fisherman’s fish? I don’t fucking know just lay off if the girl has a boyfriend is what I’m trying to say. Besides if it was so easy to take her away from that dude what makes you think another guy won’t do the same to you?

Be another man’s judge and jury: if you really think about it, we’re all a bunch of assholes in some way or another. We all are guilty of doing shitty things and being hypocrites from time to time and we don’t need another group of assholes reminding us of how shitty we are. Yea some fucking schlep probably fucked up big time whether it was cheating on his wife, getting arrested, losing all his money in a pyramid scheme, or dropping out of school but it’s not your job as a friend to point your fucking finger at him while sitting on your righteous fucking pedestal….it’s your job to help them back up.

The jealous boyfriend: I see this time and time and time again and I am damn proud of not being the jealous type…you want your girlfriend to know you’re an insecure little boy? Tell her you didn’t like the way she looked at another guy, tell her you don’t want her going out with her friends, get mad when she doesn’t call you right back…If a girl really wanted to cheat on you or leave you there’s nothing you can do to stop her….NOTHING, but if you’re lucky enough to have a woman care for you as much as you care for her, nothing can get between you two…maybe Mario Lopez but fuck that guy.

Take the last slice of pizza: I’m just saying…..I’ve always hated that fucking guy.

Being a cheap bastard: god damn I hate cheap people….it’s okay to be broke, I’ve gone through it, you’ve gone through it, we’ve all gone through it and god bless those friends that help you through it (thank you Ray, James, and Alex) but if you don’t have money to go to dinner or the club, leave your ass at home. Don’t be the dude bumming drinks off your friends, the guy counting pennies when the bill comes out, or the only guy not wanting to buy a round (if you can afford it)… soon you’ll become the guy no one wants to invite. Don’t make your girl feel bad for the amount you spent on a date either….it’s a god damn date, you’re lucky she’s going out with your clown ass.

The guy who lives in the past…granted there are some people who like remembering your golden days but those guys are the same retards who are living in the past with you. No one gives a shit how many touchdowns you got in high school, how many girls you slept with, or how it should be like because that’s how it was in the past….truth be told you’ve probably gotten fatter and uglier and those girls are pregnant with three fucking kids by now so tough shit man….grow the fuck up and move on.

Giving unwarranted advice with no type of expertise to back it up-I gotta great group of guys in my corner, I really do….and I’d kill for these guys…..literally snap your neck like a twig for these motherfuckers, but they’re all guilty of saying some dumb fuckin’ shit with no life experience to back it up. I got friends who’ve never been faithful to their girlfriends giving relationship advice, I got guys with negative bank accounts giving me investing tips, the worst is when fatties give weight loss advice, come on fatty?….listen….I don’t know shit about cars…you lift up a hood and you’re lucky if I can point out the fucking engine….so when you’re car makes a funny sound I’m not gonna tell you it might be the carborator….I’m gonna tell you to call triple A, and you should do the same…

Dad's Jewel's of Wisdom

So this week I spent on vacation with my dad in North Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, and Atlanta. We drove 1100 miles to his new home in Chester, IL . While this is a considerably shorter amount of time I’ve spent with at my dad’s home, this is the most time we’ve spent together since I could remember. I’ve learned more about him in the last 6 days than I have in 23 years. If you know me, you know we’ve never had the best relationship…In fact I think we’ve had more bad times than good. But As I get older I realize how important fathers are in our lives and whether I like it or not, the older I get the more I become like my dad. My dad is a pretty weird guy….weird is not the right word….eccentric maybe? I don’t know what the fuck you call it but he cracked me up with half the shit he’d say so I started writing it down. I don’t agree with everything he says but he’s usually been right in the past so he might be right this time around….and yes I’m perfectly aware that this is a total rip off of “Shit My Dad Says” but I don’t give a shit, that dude gets paid for it and I don’t so kiss my ass….and buy that book it was really good.

“No Naveed, when you make as much as I do you will be a republican too….although I did vote for Obama….he seems like a pretty nice guy and we share the same middle name.”

“Naveed, money cannot buy you happiness but it can buy you SOMETHING! That is why I have so many things”

”When you are ready to get married go to Pakistan to find a wife….or go to Mexico…or marry a girl here I don’t really care just don’t get a divorce it is very expensive.”
“This Tiger Woods sex addiction is bullshit….how do I know? I am an addiction psychiatrist, what do you mean how do I know? I went to 4 years of medical school and completed three fellowships, how long have you been in school Naveed?”

“You know Naveed I bought that $3,000 Gucci watch and I only wear this $60 Casio, material things are unimportant and I don’t even know where that Gucci watch is….no you cannot have it Naveed because you are irresponsible.”

“Wow Naveed, you moved all of the furniture by yourself, you are very strong….now if you can just focus on your studies…I really don’t care how strong you are.”

“Naveed, explain to me the molecular structure of the fog surrounding those mountains…no Naveed you are never too old for a chemistry quiz…no that’s not right.”

“Dr. Shan, with your 25 years of experience in the field of Psychiatry, what would be your diagnosis of Dr. Rao”-Dr. Riwaanda
“He is very sad”-Dr. Shan

Like I said before the older I get, the more I become like my Dad. As much shit as I talk, the truth is he’s always been there for me and I thank him for that…I do think he’s slightly crazy though.

What is okay for guys....

Fresh off the plane from NYC-nothing's better than a well spent 3 day weekend followed by a 3 day work week followed by a week off in NC. I tried to post "okay for guys" rules that are applicable to my generation....since I see so many of you fuckers making the same mistake over and over again....hopefully by sometime next week I'll have some "not okay guys" for you....

What is okay: to fail, nobody gets it right the first time, and if they do they somehow manage to fuck it up later down the road

What is okay: watching a chick-flick with your girlfriend, you’ve made her watch Superbad 50 times, suck it up like a man and watch the Notebook.

What is okay: being selfish, too often we spend our time working for others, helping others, and talking to others…. well fuck, can I have an hour to myself each day to chill out and think about manly things?

What is okay: helping others, I know….kinda contradictory to the last one but I think it’s awesome to help other people and it feels pretty good when they’re grateful for it. My rule of thumb is with every kind act some gives me, I try to give two in return to other people…

What is okay: be active….no you don’t have to deadlift and tire flip and choke motherfuckers out like I do…I’m injured half the time and halfway retarded from it….but do something….too many of you guys get out of work, go home, sit on their ass, drink their beer, eat their shitty food, and wonder why they get out of breathe going up the escalator at the mall.

what is okay: Caring about how you look, I know this is big talk coming from a guy who only wears power lifting shirts and flip flops on the weekends but I think how you carry yourself through attire and being well groomed says a lot. SHAMELESS PLUG: check out my man Brian and RHM Style for all of your style needs…I would never wear the shit in GQ but I definitely take recommendations on style from RHM

what is okay: Not listening to your friend’s advice….come on man, your friends are fucking retards, you think they know what the hell they’re talking about????? These are the same guys that wanted you to chug the entire bottle of syrup in an ihop at 3 in the morning…..and you’re going to trust these fools with relationship, career, and financial well being?!?!?! Fuck that….go with your gut…..or a consultant.

What is okay: Being a nice guy, the tough guy asshole image gets tired fast and most people don’t like being around that guy for very long….except other tough guy assholes. Open doors for the elderly, tip well, and help your friends move once in a while….you’re not doing shit on Sundays anyway.

What is okay: not ballin’….god damn we are too concerned with material possessions and the amount we have in the bank and yet most of us don’t even know how to get there and waste our money on petty shit like $100 shirts, thousand dollar rims, and the latest and greatest of whatever we can put on credit…and then we wonder why we’re broke as fuck all the time. Save when the economy is good, spend when it’s bad, buy what you need, save the rest. I will be the first to admit I am no baller….car notes, student loans, and the rest of life’s bills I’m lucky I can afford organic beef…but I’m putting money in the bank and enjoying life a hell of a lot more than most. Most people who can afford the finer things in life no better than to waste their money on the stupid shit you do and if they’re not they won’t be well off for very long. Also…if a girl is interested in how much money you have you need to run in the exact opposite direction.