Vegas recap:
This blog is way too late and I think I’ve blocked out most of the traumatic events by memory but I’ll try my best to recollect the two day trip that was filled with Djarum blacks and diet coke…oh and a few other guys, if you know me you more than likely know them but if you don’t I’ll sum them up in one sentence.
Omar is a man of smaller stature but with tremendous wit and intelligence, in his spare time he enjoys making fun of Nick’s drunken decisions as well as watching over Nick when he’s consumed his weight in shots
Judas is an auditor in Houston; he enjoys splitting tens at the black jack table and making jokes at Nick’s expense until it’s no longer funny.
Enrique is a pre-med student currently residing in Tempe, he doesn’t know how to gamble but tries his luck anyway and he also doesn’t listen when I yell at him.
So the day started off pretty rough, I was an hour late picking up the fellows and it took us 5 and half hours to get there, partially because of traffic but mostly because of my weak bladder and constant bathroom stops. Much of the night has been forgotten but I’ll try to recap as best as I can
11pm-get to the Casino Royale (to keep it classy you know), register and become saddened when the hotel rooms aren’t next to each other, I spend 20 minutes in my room alone crying.
1130-Enrique realizes he can’t tie a tie and his outfit is outdated so he changes and we proceed to the gambling floor.
12am-Enrique wins $170 within a few minutes and listens when I tell him to walk away. Omar loses $60 his first four hands, Nick loses money and is angered by the fact, I lose money and am delighted by the fact.
1am-walk down the strip to gamble some more, the fellows become irritated because they are not winning at the tables, I’m used to this feeling so I pretend that losing $100 is no big deal although I’m crying on the inside and suddenly start to crave a cinnabon.
1:30-Enrique loses all of his winnings and Omar gives up on gambling for the night. Judas meets us at the Riviera in which he informs us all that he enjoys splitting ten’s, I hate him from this moment on.
2am-we get to Caesar’s Palace looking for a cigar bar but end up at Pure instead, the hottest night club in Vegas, and by hottest I mean the one with the most dudes and 50 year old women in fish net stockings.
3am-Nick and Omar are confused about a room in Pure in which they play techno music and there’s plenty of open space for me to dance by myself and be shoved by bouncers. I missed the inside joke regarding this room but apparently it’s hilarious enough to be the longstanding joke of the trip….I find it unfunny and offensive...
3:30-Nick and Enrique buy 27 rounds of shots, I ask Enrique to buy me a diet coke, and he hands me a lemon drop.
4am-we slowly walk back to the hotel, Omar guiding Nick like a drunken toddler, Omar is approached by a promoter and they exchange racial epithets. Enrique get’s lost somewhere in the quarter mile walk back.
Wednesday:
we wake up at 11am and proceed to Ellis Island for $5 steak and eggs and to gamble with the 60 year olds. Enrique doesn’t split two aces and Nick walks away from the table.
12pm-As were pumping gas Enrique has the epiphany of winning all the money he loses back and then some at Black Jack
1-3pm-more gambling and walking on the strip, I manage to win enough that I only lost $25 the entire trip. I am smiling on the inside but still crave a cinnabon.
4pm-Nick plays black jack while Enrique and I drink a beer at the lounge, Omar refused a beer but I forced him to drink one anyway. We have a meaningful conversation involving brotherhood, women, and the wonders of the world….Omar doesn’t finish his beer.
7pm-Nick’s parents invite us to dinner with them at the Bellagio, a dinner we would never be able to afford on our own. I take a mental note of Judas’s atrocious table manners but no one else seems to care.
9pm- trek a half mile back to the hotel in the blistering wind, we find warmth, comfort, and blackjack tables in a nearby casino. Omar wins $140…
10pm-get back to the hotel and change for the night, Judas ditches us to meet an accounting friend, I’m alone in the room for an entire three minutes before I walk to the other hotel room. Enrique and Nick are in shock of Omar’s curiously long shower, I head down to the casino floor.
12am-we get a text from Judas telling us to meet him at the Cat House in the Luxor Hotel & Casino, we take a 50 mile cab ride in which I congratulate the driver on his recent U.S. citizenship, I proceed to lie to him about all the opportunities he has in this country
12:20-we get to the Cat House where I was confused for a bouncer at the entrance, I am flattered and take it as a compliment. I am excited to find out they serve hookah at the table, no one else shares in my excitement.
12:30-Judas takes note that we have the same outfit on, I tell him not to stand next to me so no one mistakes us for twins or lovers.
1am-I purchase a hookah table and the fellows join me. A Pauly-D impersonator stumbles towards me offering me his table, a bottle of Sky Vodka he had yet to consume; I thank him for the gesture and tip my hat to his girlfriend.
2am-I’m disappointed with the hookah and stare out into the drunken crowd
2:30am-hilarity ensues
4am-we get back to the hotel but decide to gamble some more, I lose $200 dollars and eat 13 cinnabons
4:30-get back to the hotel and sleep for three hours
8am-start driving back to Phoenix, I offer to slit a person’s throat in order for Judas to catch his flight but he respectfully declines.
3pm-arrive in Phoenix, and we all part ways….never to see each other again
All in all, we had a great trip. While some may consider us a strange group of brothers to travel with, I enjoyed every minute of it (aside from the jokes at Nick’s expense) and would travel cross-country with these guys if I could. None of us came back with a substantial amount of money but we won so much more…and by that I mean I won nothing and spent far too much on Cinnabons. A few notes to take for our next trip to Vegas.
Don’t expect to win money while you’re there. Set aside gambling money that you intend to waste on a blackjack dealer that pretends to be sad when they hit black jack.
Travel with more than four guys? Get two fucking rooms, the rooms in Vegas are cheap and you don’t have to worry about unfamiliar curly hairs on your bar of soap
Pack more than you need, including a suit….actually don’t do that…the rest of the guys packed a little more than a back pack and I was the fucking asshole with two-week’s worth of luggage
