Thing that is Dope: HOOKAH!!!!

I’m actually surprised that I have yet to write about this subject considering how often I smoke hookah, but it is pretty dope. The first time I smoked hookah I was nine years old in Pakistan. I was sitting in a circle next to my grandpa and a bunch of other 70 something’s while they were yelling at each other in Urdu smoking out of this giant brass contraption that would spin around in a circle and delivered a sweet smell of molasses and what I would later find out is some type of opiate….my grandpa passed it to me and stared at me with anticipation of taking my first puff of shisha….I did then coughed for three days and had a migraine for two weeks…..but I fell in love. I can’t write about hookah….it’s like asking Davinci to write about art or Neruda about poetry….well I’m guessing he has but regardless, it is one of my few passions and I plan on dying with hookah in hand.

As some of you know I plan on opening a hookah bar with a few friends in early 2010 called Naveed’s Hookah Lounge. I think following one’s passion is an easy way to a happy life but it’s going to be hard not smoking up my whole supply. Any city I’m in I try to go to a hookah lounge, and I try every brand and every flavor imaginable out of every style of hookah. Some people say it makes them nauseous and gives them a headache….and to that I say fuck you, you can’t have my hookah.

Thing that I hate: People

I should rephrase that, that's a really broad statement...I think my mom and Samuel L Jackson are pretty awesome ....and a good amount of others are tolerable. But I'm speaking specifically of useless people:

The first group of people, we’ll call them Daisy’s, they make me cringe whenever they open their mouths or when I read what they have to write. These are the people who have this constant sense of fake positivity and from what I can see, no sense of reality. Meteors could be falling from the sky and Daisy would still think everything is a beautiful flower or a stupid fucking butterfly. Now you might think I’m just being negative and judgmental, which I probably am, and I will be the first to admit that life does often times suck but you trying to ignore your problems by saying life is beautiful and the universe is a mysterious wondrous sphincter isn't going to change it.

Now there is the other side of the spectrum, the negative Nancy's and the asshole Ashley's we’ll call them Richard....we all know Richard, the guy who sits there complaining about everything and anything...not only is the glass half empty but there's a fucking hole in the cup....they're too fat yet don't diet or exercise, they're broke yet don't work more or budget, they complain about the opposite sex yet still go after assholes or just wait for an asshole to fall in their lap….you get the idea….while life isn’t always great, it’s even more of a garbage dump because Richard is always there to remind you of how shitty it is.

I can’t leave out the Tyra’s of the world; the Instigators, self-proclaimed experts, and unsolicited advice givers….Yes I’m talking about Tyra Banks….although I put Dr. Phil in the same category. You know her, Tyra forces her advice on how to run your life when theirs is pretty craptastic. They give you advice on relationships when they have never had a real one, they tell you the divine secret of weight loss when they’re built like a pear (Dr. Phil), and they give you advice on parenting when they don’t have fucking kids!!!! Shut the fuck up Tyra….I actually hope she doesn’t read this, I’d feel kinda bad being how beautiful she is, and beautiful people should never feel bad.

Bobby’s are the last group of people I write about. I call them bobby’s but you call them different things: douche’s, assholes, pricks, or MP’s (mas puto)….the guy who buys a pair of rhinestone ed hardy jeans before he pays his phone bill, the guy who wears basketball shorts and shoes but hasn’t stepped on a court since 5th grade, the dude who puts rims on his Honda before moving out of his mom, the “man” who USES A FUCKING BLOW DRYER FOR HIS HAIR!!!!!!!! While you may not do any of the things mentioned above, you still may be a Bobby. At first I think I used to envy Bobby….I mean he dressed nice, he had cool things, and he got all the girls I wanted….then I grew up and realized it’s not cool to dress like your 15 when your 23, those cool things will probably get repossessed, and those girls are fucking retarded.

on side note, thank you Hannah for the idea of things I hate.....she knows how much I dislike everyone, lol