What the Hell Happened to Men?!?!

What the hell happened to men? Not sure if it’s just been the last few months, the last few years, or the last few decades but it seems like men are slowly disappearing…maybe it’s the plastic containers we use and the chemicals they contain, maybe the estrogenic hormones from animal produce, maybe the radiation from cell phones in our pockets lowering our sperm count to half of what it was 50 years ago….I’m not sure…but I remember as a kid I was surrounded by men I idolized….Deion Sanders, Sly Stallone, my Dad and his friends, and the Mexican cop from Chips, how awesome was that guy?!?! Now I’m surrounded by frail, insecure shells who wear skinny jeans, low cut v-necks, and worry about their man boobs…MAN has become a four letter word, it evokes images of low browed, homophobic, misogynic Neanderthals with boners...that’s not a man, that’s just an asshole and I’m none of those things…most of the time…but I am a man dammit….a proud one at that. I may not be into most sports and I don’t know shit about cars but I lift heavy ass weights, I can build damn near anything, and I can grill the best steak you’ve ever had. Maybe men are still around….maybe underneath the girlfriend jeans, the ambiguous Nicholas Sparks quotes, and the sad crying faces posted on facebook men are still around…I hope:’( It seems we have forgot what is and should be deemed acceptable for men and what you should have stopped doing when you were 8…not you man

We don’t whine…we can cry and that’s perfectly fine…I’ve cried when my tia died, when Samee was in the hospital, and when Cain Velasquez got knocked out…sometimes you just can’t help that shit…but don’t whine…you don’t sit and sulk, bitching about your life and your shitty little problems….you fix it like a man dammit.

We have guy friends…male camaraderie, we have brotherhood, we have doooood’s night out…it’s not going to change...if it does…if somehow your malicious girlfriend managed to strip away all of your guy friends because they’re a bad influence, because it’s stupid and childish then you’re no longer a man…you’re a eunuch who’s Saturday highlight is going to bath and bodyworks and appletinis after (for the record, Ivette has never done this to me…she drinks Strongbow with a shot of Jameson)…you need this…you need this time to talk shit, to tell crude jokes, and to watch the UFC fight or Iron Chef, whatever floats your boat….They say you’re the average of the five people you’re around the most….so would you rather be the average of the five best men you know or the average of your girlfriend and her girlfriends…

Men don’t lie down in a fetal position hoping the world would end when faced with adversity….men MAN UP!!!!!

Men don’t need validation for a job well done…they just need to do the job well….a certificate with a sticker on it and a pat on the back for getting honor roll stopped when we were in 8^th grade…After that the world became an ugly and dark place…if I know I’m doing something right I don’t need an award or recognition for it, the fact that I finished something and kicked ass doing it is fine by me.

Men are simple creatures…we are…it’s hard to read between the lines and to know what you mean sometimes because the world is black and white to us, so we are naïve in that context. We say what we mean and assume you mean what you say…or at least hope it’s that simple…

I am a man. I’m an honest, hard-working, deadlifting, arm-barring, intelligent man…I always will be and that will never change. Does that make me sexist? No. A Neanderthal? No. The women who say they hate men should stop dating boys and the boys who are afraid to be men need to grow a fucking pair…