being a grown ass man!!!!

Being a grown ass man…what does that mean…first time I heard that phrase I was pledging my fraternity and my future brother and close friend Chaps sat me down and gave me a stare that could kill a bull, he told me “listen pledge, I’m a grown ass man and I don’t really give a shit about you, you wanna get through this you gotta man the fuck up.” I was 17 at the time and thought he was full of shit, I was a grown ass man! I lived in a house that I didn’t pay rent, drove a car that wasn’t mine, ate food that I didn’t buy, and went to a school in which I didn’t pay a cent for….of course I knew what being a grown ass man was….holy shit I was wrong, I wasn’t a man…I was a cocky scared shitless little kid….mostly scared because I thought chaps was going to beat the shit out of me with his paddle. Over the years I’ve had the privilege of having some great mentors in my life, not all men…but people who taught me what it means to be a man, a great fucking man….a man who eats beef jerky, wears flannel lumberjack shirts, and subscribes to Playboy and doesn’t read the articles!!!!well not exactly, none of that constitutes being a man…but here are a few things that real men do, what characterizes them as men, and what sets them apart from the boys. I’m not saying this because I’m an expert on manliness (which I’m not) or because I can judge other guys and tell them who they are (which I do) I’m writing this so I don’t want to read for my Marketing class….

1) grown ass men don’t lie, cheat, or steal….no I’m not gonna give you a bullshit Hitch quote, although I enjoyed that movie….real men don’t need to lie, they aren’t completely honest about everything (does this dress make me look fat?) but they are masters of their domain, they know the consequences of their words and actions and they should not have to hide things or deceive people. They don’t need to cheat or steal to get ahead…they work harder to get what they want HONESTLY, and they don’t need to fuck people over to get it.

2) grown ass men are responsible…they don’t need to rely on others, they accept responsibility for their actions and do what they need to do when it needs to be done.

3) grown ass men respect women…they realize that women aren’t objects or pieces of ass. Chivalry is only dead to the stupid girls who’ve killed it…and grown ass men stay away from those girls. Grown ass men treat women with the same respect they would their sisters, mothers, and daughters…and if they don’t…well you should stop messing around with those little boys

4) grown ass men do work! Half ass isn’t their vocabulary….everything they say they will do they do it to the fullest extent of their abilities. Cutting corners is for the lazy degenerate, they take pride in everything they do.

5) grown ass men don’t complain, bitch, whine, or moan. You hate your job? Get a new job. You hate your friends? Get some new friends. You’re broke all the time? Cut off your HBO, start shopping at Walmart, and get a 2nd job you lazy shit….whining is okay when you’re six and you want the cool shoes that light up when you walk….after six, you need to cut that shit out.

Grown ass men do a lot of other things but I’m smoking hookah and drinking bedtime tea, sweating my ass off on the porch so I’ll cut it short. What do you think being a grown ass man entails? Much more than the above I’m sure, like I said I’m no expert but every real man I’ve come across has shared all of the above characteristics….and if you don’t….well you need to man the fuck up